


The Skeleton In The Closet

by WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Domestic Violence, Gen, Implied/ShowKi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-02 12:00:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 43,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18810484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken/pseuds/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken
Summary: It's easy, really.At least, the theory of it.When you get hurt by someone you either talk it out or make sure you get the hell out.One plus one makes two. Kihyun gets that.Easy.But throw in a little brother, a pinch of self-hatred and loneliness induced by not speaking up and it may not be as easy as it seems.





	1. Chapter 01

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo....
> 
> Based on the personal story of one of my friends back in highschool (Five years ago?) It was her birthday last month and it made me think back to that day she told me her father hit her almost every day.
> 
> If you need help or just want to talk, feel free to message me on twitter. It doesn't matter how big or small, I'll be there.  
> @kpoplover4everr (MissBien)

It wasn't that bad.  
Or at least, not if you asked me.  
Unknowing outsiders might have thought differently, but that didn't matter. After all, it wasn't their business.  
Plus, it could always be worse. I knew it could. It had been worse a lot of times before. But right now it was fine. 

It had been a normal Thursday. I had gotten up early this morning to make sure that Changkyun and I would eat a proper breakfast before going to school. It had been a lovely morning, Changkyun happily babbling on and on about this science project his class was doing. It was always nice to see him so passionate about something. It was cute.

After breakfast we had walked together to school. Walking next to each other was always funny. Even though Changkyun was only 16 so a sophomore and me at 18 being a senior, he was at least a couple of inches taller than me. My friends would often joke about that, calling me shorty. Changkyun found that hilarious and soon picked up the habit, which sometimes pissed me off. But I would always forgive him anyways; Even I wasn't immune to his puppy-eyes.

After we had arrived at school I had wished him good luck with his project before we went our separate ways. The rest of my day had been pretty uneventful, except for Hyungwon turning up almost at the end of the first class, as always, and Jooheon's breakdown after finding out we had a test tomorrow.

I was out earlier that Changkyun so I had made the walk back home alone. I had figured that I could do the grocery shopping on my way back. I could do it later because father wasn't going to be home before eight, but I wanted to get to studying as soon as possible. It was rare to spend time at home without father present and I was planning to take advantage of that. I could finally have some peace.

But boy had I been wrong.

And once again I found myself laying on the floor in the living room, unable to get up. My limbs felt heavy and my lungs hurt. It always ended like that. Every argument, no matter how big or small or how one-sided they were.

Or sometimes it just ended like this without a clear reason, like today.

I still remembered the time it wasn't like this, but at the same time I didn't. It felt like it was a lifetime ago that life was peaceful and serene.

But the sad reality was that it wasn't anymore and it had led to... this.

After what seemed like ages I felt a little strength coming back to me. I rolled myself over to my stomach, wincing when my ribs obnoxiously protested against the movement, and pushed myself up from the floor.

I managed to get from my stomach to my knees, but I was already panting. My arms were shaking from supporting my weight.

I had never been a tall or very sturdy kid, and it mostly didn't matter to me, but right now was one of those times that I wished I was.

Continuing my endeavour to get up, I glanced at the big clock on the wall and saw that it was already five o'clock, meaning Changkyun would be back from school any minute now.

I could not let him see me like this so I struggled to get up on my feet and used the wall as support. I didn't trust my body to stay upright without anything to ground me. I shuffled my way towards the stairs, making sure to be as quiet as I could be, knowing father was in his study room. 

Climbing the stairs to my room went easier than I had expected. It did leave me with a slight burning sensation in my lungs and a throbbing head but my legs fortunately did their job.

I turned the knob and pushed my bedroom door open. I shuffled inside and closed the door behind me as softly as possible and making sure to lock it just in case. 

Suddenly exhaustion overwhelmed me. Everything just came crashing down and my mind turned foggy as I came down from the rush of adrenaline. 

I flopped onto my bed, not bothering to clean myself up. Even though I knew it would be a bigger hassle to clean later, my limbs just felt so heavy and prevented me from moving any more.

I closed my eyes, putting my focus on getting my breathing steady. The smell of freshly washed bedsheets filled my nose as I buried my face into my pillow. Slowly I felt my consciousness drift off and before I knew it I was asleep.

۞۞۞

 

I woke up to frantic knocking on my bedroom door. It was disorienting to say the least. With my head still hazy from sleep I pulled myself out of bed to make my way to the door. I tried to open it, only to find it still locked.

As soon as I unlocked it the door swung open and I was barely able to take a step back, preventing it from crashing into me.

"Hyung! Are you okay?" Changkyun almost yelled while stepping into my room. He looked concerned to say the least and his eyes were a bit more wet than usual.

Shit... This wasn't supposed to happen.

"Of course Kyunnie, why wouldn't I be?" I responded, forcing a smile.

He squinted his eyes while scanning me all over. I knew that he knew. And I really regretted not cleaning up right after.

Without saying anything, he turned back around only to come back a few seconds later with the first aid kit in his hands.

"Sit," was the only thing he said before sitting down on the floor in the middle of my room.

I knew there was no point in arguing so I just closed the door and sat down in front of him.

We didn't speak as he disinfected the wounds on my head, arms and legs. It stung, but after all this time I had gotten used to it. Even Changkyun had gotten used to seeing me like this even though I tried really hard to prevent that.

Only after he was done he decided to speak up.

"I'm scared," He said as he stared at the floor.

He said it so quietly that I almost didn't catch it. But I did and it broke my heart. I knew that he was scared, I had seen it in his eyes multiple times but this was the first time he had spoken it out loud.

"I'm really scared hyung," he repeated, a little louder this time.

_Oh no..._

"Hey, Kyunnie, look at me," I whispered, moving closer and placing my hands on his cheeks to guide his head up. 

He looked up to meet my eyes and I could see silent tears making their way down his face.

My heart cracked a little more and I couldn't form any words. So instead I wrapped my arms around him, pressing him close to me.

"It's ok sweetie, I'm here," I softly spoke in his ear, rocking him slowly.

He buried his head into my neck and clamped his hands onto the fabric of my shirt.

I noticed my shoulder getting wet and I had to struggle to keep my own tears in. Seeing my little brother like that hurt more than anything in this world. 

"Shhhh, everything is okay," I repeated over and over.

After what seemed like forever, Changkyun had unlatched himself from me and had moved to lay down with his head on my leg. I combed my fingers through his hair and he let out a sigh.

"What are we going to do hyung?," He asked, his eyes still closed.

"I don't know Kyunnie. But I promise I will figure something out," I responded.

He gave me a little hum before it was silent again. However, our peace was disrupted too soon.

"YOO KIHYUN! Get cooking!," I heard father yell from downstairs.

I felt Changkyun flinch before he curled up even more into me.

A sigh left my lips as I ran my hand through Changkyun's hair one more time before gently detaching him from me.

"Go do your homework," I said as I heaved myself up from the floor. My legs were a little numb from sitting cross-legged and the weight of Changkyun's head, making them tingle ever so slightly.

Changkyun looked up and nodded but made no attempt at getting up himself.

"You can stay in my room if you want, it's okay," I spoke and gave him a little smile.

Changkyun's face seemed to lit up at my suggestion.

I knew how much he hated being alone. More often than not he would hang out in my room, not caring if I was even there or not. Most siblings wouldn't do or like that. At least, that's what I could make out from all the stories from my friends with siblings. But that was them, and this was us.

I really didn't mind, not even whenever Changkyun would come sneaking into my room in the middle of the night just to squeeze himself next to me in my bed. If anything, it gave me peace. It was nice having him in sight, even more so when father was at home.

"Where is your bag?," I asked him as he took place at my desk.

I had decided to get it for him knowing that right now he was too anxious to leave my room. He always got too anxious to cross paths with father after one of his outbursts.

"It's in my room," he answered, leaning back in my chair.

"Okay, I'll be right back"

After making sure Changkyun had settled at my desk with his biology homework in front of him I made my way to the door.

I threw one glance back and saw Changkyun already bent over some papers. I closed the door softly and made my way down the hallway to the stairs.

Stepping in to the kitchen, I saw that father was nowhere in sight. I felt the tension leave my body. My arms and legs were still throbbing with a dull ache, but my muscles loosened up.

 

۞۞۞

Dinner had been tense to put it mildly. Changkyun seemed to shrink in his chair each time father made the slightest of noises. And so did I, even though I tried my best to ignore him.

To my relief, he ignored us too. He was too busy with his phone. It was probably something business related as usual. After he was done he just retreated into his study without saying anything. 

The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful. Changkyun helped me clean the kitchen because he was already done with his homework. I, on the other hand, hadn't been able to do any work yet. I dreaded tomorrow's maths test even more than before.

As always, Changkyun followed me back to my room and threw himself on my bed while I reluctantly took place at my desk.

Time passed by and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't concentrate. The same page had been in front of me for at least thirty minutes and I still hadn't gotten around solving the first equation. The numbers seemed to swim in front of my eyes, making it impossible to for me to piece everything together.

I let out a frustrated groan as I dropped my head on my desk. Wrong move.

I immediately jerked back up with a hiss as pain shot across my forehead. 

_F*ck!_

I pressed my hand to my forehead and winced. Trailing my fingers across my skin, I felt something wet and I quickly lowered my hand. There was blood on my fingers; the result of me accidentally reopening the scratch on my forehead.

"Dammit...," I muttered, hastily reaching for a tissue and pressing it against my skin.

Concluding that it had stopped bleeding, I leaned back in my chair and looked over at my bed. 

Changkyun seemed to be asleep, phone still in his hand, almost smiling. He looked peaceful and that made me happy. As long as my little brother was okay, I was too. 

I was grateful. Grateful for having him. Grateful for the fact that father never really seemed to bother him. Well, at least not on a physical level. 

Tearing my gaze away, I fished my phone from my pocket. Ignoring the missed messages from "The Best Squad" group chat, and bright numbers informed me it was almost midnight.

I knew Changkyun had to finish his science project tomorrow meaning he had to get to school on time.

As if he had some kind of sixth sense, he stirred and stretched his arms.

"You should shower and go to bed Kyunnie," I said as his eyes met mine.

He simply nodded before getting up. 

"I'll be quick. You should go to bed too," And with that, he was gone.

I tried to put my focus back on the book on my desk, but after a few minutes I decided that it wasn't going to work. 

Closing my book, my bedroom door opened ever so slightly. I turned around and was met by Changkyun peeking his head around my door.

"Shower is free. Good night," He said.

"Sleep tight Kyungie," I responded.

He gave me a little smile, the way his brows were furrowed together not going unnoticed by me. But before I could say anything about it, my door was closed again.

After washing up and changing into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie I was ready to bury myself underneath my blankets.

I yawned as soon as my head hit my pillow. Today had been tiring. Unexpectedly so.

It was only now that father words popped up and started swirling in my head, replaying over and over. They were the same as always, but they hurt nonetheless.

He would always call me useless, a waste of space. And I didn't know why. I didn't understand what it was that I did wrong. And I had never dared to ask.

I didn't understand why he had gotten more aggressive over the years. It seemed like the frequency of his outbursts grew the older I got, even though I barely fought back anymore.

What was it that ticked him off so much every time he looked at me?

It made me sad and I couldn't contain my tears anymore. I knew it was pathetic but I really couldn't help it. I hugged my blanket closer and buried my face into my pillow, willing my head silent.

Today had sucked.


	2. Chapter 02

"Hellooo! Earth to Kihyun," Minhyuk yelled, waving his hand in front of my face.

I got pulled out of my thoughts at the sound of Minhyuk's voice.

I looked around the lunch table and saw Minhyuk, Hyungwon, Hyunwoo, Hoseok and Jooheon staring at me. It was Tuesday which meant we could actually have lunch together without someone missing because of extracurricular activities.

"Hmm sorry?," I asked.

I hadn't really been paying attention at the conversation that was going on. Today was the day we would get the results back from the test we made last Friday and I wasn't looking forward to it.

"Jeez dude, were you even listening?," Jooheon asked, rolling his eyes.

".... Nope," I said.

Minhyuk let out a frustrated groan and continued to go on and on about this family dinner he had to go to this Saturday.

"What's so bad about a family dinner?," Hyungwon asked.

I myself didn't understand the problem. From what I knew Minhyuk's family was great. His mother was always so kind whenever I came over and his dad seemed like a cool guy. But maybe I was just biased. Every family seemed to be nicer than mine.

"Oooh don't get me started!," Minhyuk screeched.

Hoseok apparently found Minhyuk's distress very funny and his laughter filled the room. It made me smile. His laughter was so bright that it was impossible not to. Though I was pretty sure the other people in the cafeteria thought that he was crazy.

"They are annoying. My aunties and uncles are probably going to ask what I'm going to do after graduation, why I don't have a girlfriend and they are definitely not going to like my hair," He rambled.

That cleared things up. Minhyuk had told us many times before that he had no idea what he wanted to do after we were done with highschool and he was clearly stressed about it. I didn't get what the problem was with his bleached hair though. As for the girlfriend part...

"Bro, why don't you just tell them?," Hyunwoo suddenly asked, mouth still stuffed with food.

I looked at Minhyuk and saw his face distort.

"I can't just tell them. What if they kick me out?," He screeched.

"They wouldn't do that Min and you know it," Jooheon said.

"True. I know for a fact your mom wouldn't mind, she's too sweet for that," I joined in.

"I know you guys mean well but you just don't understand," Minhyuk said, his voice picking up in volume the more he spoke.

Minhyuk continued screaming about how nosy his family was. Minutes went on like that and It was honestly starting to irritate me. 

He had been like that the moment I had arrived at school this morning. Minhyuk was always energetic, always high tension, always happy. Normally it was nice but for some reason his energy and loudness was irking me. I was already feeling like crap and Minhyuk's theatrical antics were something I just couldn't handle right now.

After more minutes of me quietly enduring Minhyuk's ranting I just couldn't anymore.

"Drama queen," I muttered, stuffing some food in my mouth. I didn't really intend for someone to hear, but of course Minhyuk had.

"Excuse me?! What did you say?!," Minhyuk now looked me dead in the eye. 

I flinched, not expecting Minhyuk to burst like that all of a sudden. I could see the irritation from before morphing into anger.  
I let out a irritated sigh and ran my hand through my hair.

I had enough.

"Stop being so dramatic," I said as I threw my spoon on my tray, my voice louder than I had intended.

The rest looked shocked.

Hyungwon, who had looked like he wasn't really listening, was now perked up on his chair as well.

"What the hell dude," Hyungwon now looked at me, annoyed.

My head started throbbing again, informing me that the painkillers I had taken this morning were starting to wear off. 

"Just, like, don't make such a big deal out of it. I have a headache," And as soon as the words had left my lips I regretted them.

"Kihyun, this is a f*cking big deal to me ok?! Of all people I expect you to god damn understand!," Minhyuk yelled. If looks could kill...

"Guys, please stop," Hoseok interfered.

"No! He's being an asshole!," Minhyuk retorted.

"Maybe I am, but you're just so f*cling loud and it's annoying!," I yelled at Minhyuk.

This wasn't me. It really wasn't. I knew it wasn't but it didn't stop the anger from building up in me.

"That's ridiculous! And if it is so easy, why haven't you told YOUR dad, huh?!," Minhyuk screamed.

I couldn't. I really couldn't. Not for the same reasons as Minhyuk though. Plus, Minhyuk really had nothing to fear. I really couldn't see Minhyuk's parents kicking him out for being gay. 

I, however, knew it could mean my death if I told my father I liked guys.

But I couldn't tell them that. They didn't know. They didn't know anything.

They didn't know about the bruises and cuts currently hidden under the layers of foundation. They didn't know about the reason why I barely hung out with them. They didn't know about the times my father took my phone from me to prevent me from talking to anyone. They didn't know my grades were slipping because I barely got to actually study.

And suddenly all anger left my body, making way for fear. Fear for the day my father would find out I didn't like girls.

"I... can't," I whispered back.

"Oh my god, are you serious?! Sometimes I wonder why I'm even friends with you!," Minhyuk said.

_Ouch._

_What is this feeling...?_

"Minhyuk!," Hyunwoo now piped in. 

"I'm worried and you just tell me it's no big deal?! That I should just tell them? Yet you can't even do it yourself! And here I was, thinking you'd have my back but apparently you don't. What a useless best friend you are!," Minhyuk yelled in his fury.

_"You're useless! I don't deserve such a f*ck-up of a son!,"_

Suddenly the air felt stuffy, like there wasn't enough oxygen.

"Enough! This ends here!," Hyunwoo suddenly bellowed.

_"Enough! You don't get to decide. You obey me!,"_

My head felt funny and my vision was a bit blurry. Something was wrong.

"Ki, are you okay?," Wonho asked.

I could hear him but for some reason he sounded muddled, like he was far away. There was a tingling sensation in my arms and legs, one I had never felt before.

_"Just looking at you makes me angry!,"_

"Ki?,"

A hand grabbed my arm and alarm bells went off in my head.

_"You're pathetic! What man has such skinny arms?! I could snap them in half easily,"_

"Kihyun!,"

I couldn't hear who it was, but the voice was familiar. 

_"That's right. Not so brave now anymore, are we?! What happened? Cat got your tongue boy?,"_

Then it was warm. I was engulfed in warmth and there were whispers in my ear.

I didn't understand them, but it felt comforting.

There were more words but I still didn't understand them. I chose to ignore them, focussing on the warm feeling instead.

Breathing got less and less difficult. I could feel the air actually reaching all the way into my lungs.

My head didn't feel strange anymore and the tingling in my limbs was gone. It was only then that I realised someone was hugging me, fingers combing through my hair.

I still felt a bit weird, but slowly I got back to reality. I blinked and suddenly everything was sharp again. 

"Just focus on breathing okay? Just breath with me. You can do that right?," I now recognised the voice. It was Hyunwoo.

I gave a little nod and Hyunwoo pulled me closer.

Closing my eyes again, I listened to Hyunwoo's counting and breathed in and out at the same time as him.

When I felt like I had completely regained control of my body, I slid out of Hyunwoo's arms.

Our eyes met and I didn't bother to look away, neither did Hyunwoo. Before I knew it, his hands cupped my face and this gesture left me confused.

"Your face is gonna itch if we don't wipe your tears Ki," Hyunwoo whispered, thumbs moving across my cheeks and eyes ever so softly.

_So I cried in the middle of the school cafeteria? Great._

Hyunwoo let go of my face and I turned to my left. I saw the rest of my friends looking at me like they were going to cry themselves.

_Good job, Kihyun._

I looked over at Minhyuk and I wanted to apologize but Minhyuk was faster.

"God, I'm sorry Ki. I shouldn't have said that," he reached over the table to grab my hand. 

"No no it's okay!," I said as I franticly shook my head, "I shouldn't have said what I said either,"

The next few minutes were spent apologizing. I knew Minhyuk had done nothing wrong and I was trying to get him to understand that. But being my best friend he insisted that he had been wrong.

After Hyungwon had stopped us, we were back to talking about nonsense. It was like nothing ever happened. But I started to wonder. 

Minhyuk had apologized, saying that he shouldn't have said what he said. However, he never said he didn't mean it.

And even though I knew it was stupid, it festered in my mind, spread through my brain like the black plague did in Europe centuries ago.

Maybe I really was a useless friend.  
Maybe he didn't want to be friends with me anymore?  
Maybe he just pretended to like me for the sake of the others?

Maybe... he never even really wanted to be my friend?


	3. Chapter 03

Fourth period, Maths. It was the only class I had with just Wonho.

It was always nice to spent time with him. He was calm and kind, but he could be funny as hell. Like now.

For the past five minutes he had been trying to fix his favourite pen and it wasn't really working out.

"But like, why does it do that?," He looked at me all confused.

"I don't know hyung, maybe the spring is broken or something," I replied, feeling slightly amused at Wonho's child-like antics.

"Nooo, listen. I think the spring works, but it doesn't click so it springs back!," He said as he franticly clicked the bunny-pen a mere inch from my eyes to demonstrate it wasn't working properly.

I laughed out loud at how adorable he was being which resulted in Wonho looking very offended.

"It's not funny! It's the best pen ever and I don't want it to be broken!," He sulked.

Wonho was an interesting person. At first glance he looked very intimidating. Just like Hyunwoo, he was more buff than most high schoolers, which made him look like a gangster to be honest. His personality however was the complete opposite. 

"Mr. Lee, please stop that annoying sound. I'm trying to teach here!," The teacher yelled and Wonho put his pen down, pouting.

"Now that I have everyone's attention: I'm going to give you guys back the test. If you don't agree on the way I checked your test please line up at my desk.

I felt myself going rigid. I had been dreading this moment for days. It wasn't like I got bad grades all around but I just really sucked at maths. And one might say that one bad grade wouldn't matter, but to my father it did. I didn't want to give him a reason to blow up again.

My grades where the only thing I kind of had control over. It felt like it was the only thing that could help me defend myself against my dad.

Bad grades definitely meant getting beat up.

While the teacher was handing back our tests I tried not to wreck my nails. Whenever I got really nervous I would bite them without even realising it.

The teacher reached my table and a paper landed on my desk.

C+

_Sh*t_

"Yesss! B+!," Wonho squealed next to me, "What did you get?,"

With that he leaned over to look at my test before looking at me.

"It's a passing grade, nice!," He spoke as he smiled at me.

I smiled back, knowing he meant well, but I knew that father wouldn't be so kind.

"Yeah, there's always next time right?," I responded.

And with that our conversation had come to a stop. The rest of the lesson I tried to concentrate on what the teacher was saying while I felt anxiety built up inside of me. Ever since lunch I had felt on edge, suddenly hyper aware of every sound and it wasn't very calming.

۞۞۞

After class I met up with the guys again to discuss our plans for next week’s Friday. We hadn't hung out properly after school lately so we settled on doing an escape room.

"It's like an XXL room or something like that," Jooheon explained. He had been the one to suggest the idea and since everyone liked playing detective he thought we should go all out. "Go big or go home" is how he had said it.

"And what is that even supposed to mean?," Hyunwoo asked.

"Well, it's just a bigger room with more things to solve. We get more time as well," Jooheon continued.

Everyone was happily chatting along, clearly very excited.

"But we really got to step up our game guys! Last time we didn't make it out on time and it was embarrassing," Minhyuk piped up.

"Yah, we almost made it bro!," Jooheon said, "This time we have Kihyun so we'll definitely make it,"

Last time I didn't go with them. Correction, I couldn't go with them.

I had actually planned to go but father hadn't agreed. He thought I was making it up, saying that no one would want to hang out with me and that I was a "lying b*tch". He was furious when I talked back and I spent the rest of the evening in bed with a hurting body.

"If he doesn't bail on us again though," Minhyuk spoke, throwing me a wink.

I had bailed, but it hadn't been a choice. I literally couldn't move so of course I had sent them a message saying I was ill and couldn't make it.

For some reason it felt as if he was mocking me even though he didn't mean it that way; it was the result of Minhyuk's lack of filter.

I pushed back the unrest and forced a laugh.

"Nah, I'm not going to bail. I wouldn't want to miss the constant confusion on you face Blondie," I sassed back.

Minhyuk let out a fake gasp as he clutched his chest.

"Are you saying I'm dumb Mr. Shorty?," Minhyuk retorted.

Laughter erupted and soon we had tears rolling down our faces.

"Dammit, my stomach is hurting!," Hyungwon managed to squeeze out between fits of giggles.

We laughed for minutes before we calmed down and I felt great. It had been a long time since I had laughed that hard and it felt wonderful. 

My friends really were the best. Even though they could be annoying as hell, I was lucky to have them.

Suddenly I thought of Changkyun and my heart dropped. I couldn't leave him alone with father. Even though nothing had happened so far with just Changkyun and father at home, I still wanted to try to prevent that scenario as much as possible. 

But the thing was, I really wanted to go with them. I knew that I was starting to become a bit of an outsider in the group with how little I hung out with them and I didn't want to lose them. 

If I couldn't stay at home I'd just have to take Changkyun with me.

"Guys... is it okay if I bring Changkyun along?," I asked.

It was silent and I could hear them thinking. I knew it was supposed to be just us but they liked Changkyun so maybe it was okay?

"It's just, I forgot I had promised him to go do something together because he has been doing so well at school...," I added.

I was lying and it felt horrible. It always did. And lately I had been lying more and more to them. The beatings had escalated and so had the little lies I told my friends.

"Yeah, sure, I'm ok with it," Wonho said.

I looked at the rest and they just nodded. They looked apprehensive but they agreed nonetheless.

And it made me feel even worse. I could see in their eyes that they weren't exactly happy with it. Of course I had to go and ruin our plans. 

Realisation dawned on me that I was the worst friend ever. 

"Thanks," I responded.

The excitement from earlier was long gone and I couldn't stand it anymore.

"So, I'll see you guys tomorrow," I said as I turned around and left, not looking back.

I waited outside of school for Changkyun. I hadn't been waiting long before I spotted him coming out from the main entrance. He hadn't seen me yet so he was happily chatting away with his friends. 

I didn't really know them, only that the tall one was Yugyeom and the really skinny one Bambam. 

Apparently they were talking about something funny because they were laughing loudly, almost tripping over each other.

I looked closer at my little brother and he looked genuinely happy. The way his lips were curled up in a big grin made it look like the was the happiest kid alive. 

It was a sad thing to see knowing that it would change the moment we were home.

He finally saw me and waved his friends goodbye as he took a little sprint towards me.  
"Hyung, how are you on this beautiful afternoon?," He almost yelled.

"Pfft, what happened to you?," I asked as we started to make our way home.

"Nothing really, today was just a lot of fun!," He responded.

We talked about our days as we walked. Changkyun told me that he was finally done with his science project and that he had to present it to his class two weeks from now. He then asked me about my test and I told him that I hadn't done so well and that seemed to upset him a bit.

"If dad finds out...," He said, looking concerned.

"It's probably fine Kyunnie. I'll just have to find the right timing to tell him. And plus, he probably forgot I even had a test," I knew that wasn't true and so did Changkyun.

For someone so uninterested, father sure did have a damn good memory. 

Silence engulfed us and I remembered next week’s Friday.

"By the way, you want to come with me and the guys to an escape room next week? On Friday?," I asked him.

"You're going out?," He asked, ignoring my question.

"Yeah, why?," I responded.

I turned my head and saw Changkyun thinking.

"Did you ask dad?,"

"... not yet," I knew where he was getting at.

"You thinks it's a good idea?," He spoke.

_No. No t's not._

"Yes. Yes it is. It has been ages since I did anything else than going to school and acting like a housewife so yes, it's a good idea to hang out with my friends," I tried to sound confident, but who was I fooling?

"Ok hyung. But I can't go, I'm going to Bambam's place to work on our presentation," He said.

And a weight fell of my shoulders. He would be out of the house and because it was school related father wouldn't mind.

Without me noticing we had already reached home, the car in the driveway letting us know that father was home.

It was surprisingly quiet inside. Changkyun beelined to his room claiming he had promised Yugyeom to game together as soon as they got home.

I was tempted to do the same but one glance over the living room changed my mind. I hadn't really gotten to cleaning this weekend because I had spent most of my time catching up on schoolwork.

I dropped my bag on the floor and got to work.

Cleaning was something I didn't really mind doing. As long as I had music I was good.

After slaving away for a solid twenty minutes, the living room was clean and I had moved to the kitchen.

I got lost in the music and wasn't really paying attention to anything else until a hard slap on the back of my head broke the spell.

Turning around hastily, I was met by my father standing a mere inches away from me. He looked angry and with his tall figure he was almost looming over me. My body froze and my breathing hitched.

Without speaking, he gripped the chord coming from my ear buds and yanked them out.

"Disrespectful brat! Who do you think you are? Ignoring your own father like that!," He yelled in my face.

I could feel my hand trembling. 

"W-what?," I squeezed out.

A hand connected with my cheek, the force of it knocking my head to the side.

_Breathe._

"I called your name and you just ignore me?!," He bellowed in my face.

I looked back at him and I could see his face getting redder and redder.

At that point I knew that I was screwed.

The next thing I knew I was shoved back, my side painfully connecting with the countertop and I let out a yelp at the sudden pain. 

"I thought I taught you manners!," He yelled and I was shoved again, this time even harder and I was barely able to steady myself.

_I'm so dead._

And with that thought adrenaline started rushing through my veins.

_Run._


	4. CHapter 04

As fast as I could I slipped past my father and sprinted towards the door. I knew this was only going to make him angrier but my instincts just took over. I didn't get far before I a violent tug on my shirt sent me backwards and on the floor.

"We're not done talking!," He yelled as he gripped my hair to make me look at him.

The grip on my hair was so tight that my scalp burned. My vision got blurry and soon I felt wet drops trailing down my face. He crouched down in front of me, his grip on my hair tightening.

"S-st...Stop! It h-hurts!," I managed to yell while desperately trying to pry his fingers from my hair.

"Shut up!," He screamed.

I flinched at the loud sound and I felt my lungs contracting. He let go of my hair and stood back up. It terrified me. The way he loomed over me, the way he looked at me, the way he smirked.

_I'm scared._

The previous rush of adrenaline was now completely gone and I was paralysed. My mind was going a million miles an hour and I couldn't think straight. Before I could even try to get up, father swung his leg back. His foot connected with my chest. I screamed as I fell back, my head hitting the wall behind me. 

I couldn't breathe and my vision got clouded with black spots. My head was throbbing, making me nauseous. I curled up into a little ball on the floor trying to protect myself from the incoming blows.

No matter how much I cried and begged him to stop, he just kept going and going. It felt like hour passed by as he kept punching and kicking me, throwing insults left and right. By now I was a crying mess.

_Stop!_

"Pathetic," He muttered.

The kicking had stopped and so did my tears. I felt empty. So f*cking empty. My body hurt, but at the same time I didn't feel anything. I uncurled myself and slowly rolled over on my back. Father was still hovering above me, his expression unreadable.

"Man up boy!," He yelled.

I flinched. His voice was just so loud, adding to the headache. He turned to leave, but changed his mind and turned back to me.The heel of his foot suddenly came crashing down on my ankle. I could feel something tear and I let out a scream. A flash of hot and cold surged from my ankle through my body. I saw father smirk and stalking off, leaving me laying on the floor.

I was panting, the pain overtaking all my senses. White flashed in front of my eyes. Cold sweat dripped down my head. Bile made its way into my mouth and combined with an all too familiar metallic taste on my tongue I could barely roll on my side before I had to puke. I felt horrible. My body was shaking and for a second I thought I was going to die.

Rolling on my back again, the severity of the situation sunk in. 

_Changkyun.  
Where's Changkyun?!_

I knew he was at home but I didn't know if he was still in his room. I didn't known if he was safe.

My heart started racing.

Suddenly I heard a door open and slam close. Someone walked past me and I slowly turned my head to the side. I caught a glimpse of my father leaving the house.

I could faintly hear the engine of a car starting and driving away. I waited for a few more seconds to make sure he was gone before I moved. As soon as I tried to lift my arm I knew I wasn't going to be able to get up by myself.

I hissed as pain shot up through my arm and let it fall back onto the floor. Still panting, I knew I only had one option.

"K-kyung...," I wheezed out.

My voice sounded like someone had gone rogue on my vocal chords with a piece of sandpaper and it made me wince. With how weak my voice was I knew he hadn't heard me so I tried over and over, each time trying to be a little louder. My voice gave out again after many failing attempts, my throat hurting even more than before.

I was cold.

The coldness of the floor had settled in my bones, making it even more difficult to move. My lungs were still of fire though. No matter what I did, there didn't seem to be enough oxygen.

Then the loneliness settled in.

I tried to blink away the tears that formed in my eyes once again, but to no avail.

Minutes went by like that before I felt something vibrate in my pocket.

_My phone!_

I had completely forgotten about my phone. A sudden rush of hope made me smile.

Ever so slowly I managed to get my hand to my pocket. After trying for what seemed like forever, my phone slid out of my pocket and into my hand. The small victory was very welcomed and it gave me confidence. 

I turned my head so I could look down at my hand and unlocked my phone. I saw that I had over forty unread messages and five missed calls. Ignoring them, I swept through my contacts to find Changkyun and pressed "call". It kept ringing and ringing but no answer. I tried again and this time Changkyun picked up.

"Hyung?," I could hear him say through the phone.

My throat hurt and I was pretty sure my voice was almost completely gone so I decided to get straight to the point.

"Kitchen," 

The other end was silent for a bit before he hung up. Not even a second later I could hear him rushing down the stairs.

Then he came running in to the kitchen.

"Oh my god!," He yelled and I flinched. My ears were ringing.

"Oh my god," He repeated as he sprinted to me.

He rushed forward and fell to his knees next to me.

"Hi," I croaked out.

I turned my head a bit so that I could see him better. He looked terrified. His hands were ghosting above my body as if he wanted to do something but was afraid of hurting me.

"I thought it was the game! I though it was part of the game!,"

He looked at me and I tried my best to give him a reassuring smile, but it apparently had the opposite effect. He started crying as his eyes scanned the rest of my body.

"F*ck! Hyung! What do I do?," He screeched as he gripped his hair.

I understood his distress. He had seen me beat up before but never like this. It didn't happen often but when it did I made sure to avoid him.

There was always a first for everything right?

I felt sorry for him but I knew I had to push that aside for now. I really had no other option.

"Sweetie," I whispered.

His head snapped back towards me.

"Bed," And I pointed up with my finger.

I wasn't sure if he understood but when he wiggled his arm under my legs I knew he did. The contact sent pain through my body and I hissed, biting my lip to muffle the noise. Changkyun sent me an apologetic look before pushing his other arm under my back.

"Sorry," He said, "I'm going to lift you up at three ok?,"

I nodded and mentally prepared myself for the pain that was to come. He counted and with all his strength heaved me off the floor at three. Even though I had seen it coming, the pain caused me to scream out. Black spots filled my vision again and my mind became hazy.

I was exhausted. Just completely exhausted.

I heard Changkyun yelling, but I couldn't make out what he was saying.

And then everything went black.

 

۞۞۞

 

With much difficulty I willed my eyes open. It was dark around me except for the lamp on my desk.

I was confused. I could not remember how I got here or when I had changed into my sweatpants and hoodie.

_Think!_

Then I felt something move next to me. I turned to look at my left and saw Changkyun. He was sleeping peacefully, even snoring a bit. I frowned when I saw he was still wearing his jeans and shirt.

_How can someone sleep that comfortably like that?_

I turned back again and stared at the ceiling.

_What time is it?_

I licked my lips as I noticed how thirsty I was. My throat hurt and it was difficult to swallow. I still couldn't really recall what happened, but I decided I needed water first. The rest could wait. When I tried to get up my body protested.

"F*ck!," I muttered.

Everything hurt. My legs, my arms, my head. And I remembered what happened. I remembered being in the kitchen cleaning up. I remembered running away. I remembered being shoved and falling down. I remembered father shouting. I remembered Changkyun running in.

However, I couldn't recall what happened after that. 

By the looks of it, Changkyun had not only put me in bed but he had cleaned me up and changed my clothes as well.

Guilt.

The guilt grew.

As his older brother I was supposed to take care of him, not the other way around.

_Why can't I do anything right?!_

I was angry. So damn angry. And I suddenly really hated myself. It was like a switch had flipped.

All emotions disappeared, leaving only hatred behind. Hatred for myself. For being so weak, for failing as an older brother, for lying to my friends, for being a coward.

۞۞۞

When I woke up again, Changkyun was gone and light seeped through my curtains.

My body still hurt like hell, but after lifting up my arm I figured out that I had regained some control over my body again.

I turned my head to my right and saw a glass of water standing on my nightstand with a piece of paper next to it. 

With great difficulty I pushed myself up so I could sit with my back leaning against the wall.

I took the piece of paper to see what was written.

_Hyung, I got some painkillers for you. Take them and stay in bed. I'm at school and I'll be back at three. I called the school this morning and told them that you got the flu and that we don't know when you'll be back._

_Please listen to me and get some more sleep._

_~Kyung ♡  
P.s. I locked your door. The key is on your desk if you need it. I took your spare one._

With I sigh I put down the note and took another glance at my nightstand. I didn't really like painkillers, they made me feel hazy, but I decided that I really needed them right now.

With a big gulp of water I washed two pills down before I lay I back down.

I closed my eyes and soon drifted off again.


	5. Chapter 05

The third time I woke up I felt almost as good as new.

Well, that was an exaggeration but my limbs didn't hurt that much anymore and the headache was significantly less sharp.

It was dark again outside, meaning I had been in bed for at least twenty-four hours now.

A little groan made me look at my desk. Changkyun was scribbling something down with furrowed eyebrows. I chuckled at the sight and Changkyun's head shot up at me.

"Hyung!," He closed his books and got up, "How are you feeling?," he asked as he moved to sit on the edge of my bed.

"Better," I answered.

"Did you eat someth-," Before he could even finish the question my stomach rumbled.

"I take that as a no?," he laughed out.

Changkyun suggested that he would make something and that I should stay in bed, but I wanted to get out of this room. Even though I had been asleep for most of the time it still felt like the walls were starting to close in on me. Besides, I just had never been the type to sit still. It took a lot of convincing before Changkyun agreed.

"Are you sure you can walk on your own?," He looked concerned.

"Yeah yeah, it will be fine," I assured him.

I pushed the blanket off of me before sitting up. It hurt, but it was doable. I was glad I had taken the painkillers after all.

I swung my legs over the edge of my bed, planting my feet on the ground. But as soon as I stood up a sharp pain shot through my ankle and with a hiss I fell back on my bed.

"F*CK!," I yelled.

I looked down at my ankle and saw that it was swollen and bruised.

"Sh*t, I hadn't noticed it," Changkyun said as he crouched down in front of me.

After examining it he concluded that it was heavily bruised and that I should not put pressure on it. He then got the first aid kit from the bathroom and carefully bandaged my ankle. 

Getting downstairs was more difficult than I had expected. I was limping because of my ankle and even with Changkyun supporting me it was a painfully endeavour.

We came to the conclusion that I was still too hurt to cook and that it would be better to order something instead. Changkyun had offered to cook, but last time he made an attempt he almost set the whole kitchen on fire so I shot that plan down.

We decided to watch a movie while we ate. Halfway through I felt myself getting sleepy again.

Changkyun noticed that I was yawning and paused the movie.

"You want to get back to bed?," he asked.

"Nah, I want to know how the movie ends," I answered. I was tired but I didn't want to go to sleep again. The only thing I could remember from the past hours was that I had been asleep for most of them. 

Suddenly I wondered how long I had been asleep so I asked Changkyun.

"Well, I got you to bed at like four in the afternoon yesterday and it was five pm today when you woke up again," 

Twenty-five hours.

I had been asleep for almost twenty-five hours.

I had officially broken my personal record.

"Damn...," I muttered.

"Damn indeed," Changkyun whispered.

No wonder my body didn't hurt that much anymore...

"And where's father?," I had completely forgotten about him.

"He won't be back for a couple of days. When I got home I saw a note saying he had to go on a business trip," Changkyun answered.

The anxiety in me that I hadn't even noticed was there faded away with the answer. 

It meant things would be nice for a little while. He didn't leave very often but when he did it always felt like a little vacation.

"Are you going to pick that up?," Changkyun suddenly asked.

"What?," 

"Your phone? It's ringing," he said while pointing to my phone on the table.

It was indeed ringing. I leaned over to see who was calling and I could see it was wonho.

I realised that I hadn't contacted my friends for whole day and because I wasn't at school they probably got worried.

Still, I didn't really want to answer it. I knew that they would ask what was going on and I would have to lie again.

Nope. I wasn't going to do that. There was enough time for that later.

"Nah, I'll talk to them later," I responded as I leaned back into the couch.

"But they are your friends hyung. Ignoring them is kind of a d*ckmove," he said.

_Ouch._

And for once I decided to speak my mind.

"True. I just don't feel like lying to them again. Not right now," I whispered.

Changkyun didn't speak as he pulled me in for a hug.

"I get it. I could talk to them for you if you want?," he asked.

And I don't know what it was, maybe the sudden warmth or the mental exhaustion, but I just latched on to him.

Changkyun didn't say anything and just pulled me closer.

"I'll talk to them at school tomorrow okay?," he whispered before letting me go.

"Thank you Kyungie. Really. For everything," I said ,"And I'm really sorry about everything,"

"It's not your fault hyung so stop saying sorry," he responded.

_But it IS my fault._

I yawned again and Changkyun giggled.

"You know, let's get you to bed," I didn't protest as he pulled me off the couch and helped me up the stairs. 

Before he tucked me in he handed me another painkiller which I reluctantly took.

"I'll be back from school a little late tomorrow. Please don't do anything stupid ok?," he asked as he helped me lay down.

I assured him that I would try to take it easy, but that I would make no promises.

With a huff he got up from my bed and made his way to the door.

"Good night. love you hyung," he said as he closed the door.

My heart ached and my eyes welled up.

_I love you too Kyungie._

۞۞۞

 

The next couple of days passed by slowly. It was currently Sunday and I was aching to get back to school.

I had woken up Friday morning feeling great and I had planned on going to school but Changkyun had ordered me to stay at home. I had almost been able to convince him that it was fine for me to go until I sidestepped causing my ankle to give up on me. I decided he was probably right. It would be a hassle to get around at school.

So instead I had been stuck at my desk for three days now.

Fortunately I was able to do some extra stuff. I had gotten slightly better at maths so that was a nice outcome.

Seeing that it was already six pm, I figured Changkyun would be hungry by know. I wrapped up and got to the kitchen. My ankle was now a lot better and I could walk on my own again. Albeit with a little limp, but I was walking.

Dinner was nice. Changkyun tried to explain to me how this new game he got worked but I didn't understand. He gave up after I asked what it meant when someone was "camping" after he had explained it a few times already.

"Seriously hyung! How many times do I have to explain?," he groaned out.

I chuckled and got up to collect the dishes.

"I'm just not as smart as you Kyungie," I said with a wink.

Changkyun rolled his eyes as he handed me his empty plate.

"I know I'm smarter than you but-," He couldn't finish his sentence as the front door got thrown open.

I jumped at the sudden sound and the plate I was holding slipped out of my hand, shattering into pieces on the floor.

"I'm home. Get me dinner," Father yelled as he sat down at the table.

I couldn't move. 

"Well? Get moving!," I flinched as father yelled again.

"Y-yes," I stuttered before bolting to the kitchen.

_It's ok. It's ok._

I snapped out of it and started moving.

_Calm down._

Changkyun came in and rushed to my side. We worked without speaking. While I did most of the cooking, Changkyun assisted by washing the dishes.

In a few minutes I was done. However, my body froze as soon as I wanted to step out of the kitchen.

_What if it's too spicy?  
Did I put in enough salt?  
Is the rice cooked right?_

And I slowly started to panic. The air was stuffy and suddenly it was difficult to swallow.

_Come on. Everything is fine._

I could feel Changkyun staring at me and I knew that if I didn't start moving soon he would get concerned.

So I went against all instincts and willed myself forward. 

I put the food down in front of father and got out of there as soon as possible. My ankle protested as I bolted up the stairs but I ignored it. 

Once in my room, I found Changkyun already sitting at my desk. I quickly locked the door and sat down on my bed.

We didn't speak. I didn't mind, I didn't feel like talking anyways.

Hours went by while we did homework. Once it was time to go to bed Changkyun decided he wanted to sleep in my bed so he crawled in next to me.

He was asleep before I was and his soft snores filled the room.

I could hear father on the phone downstairs. He was yelling. Probably something about work again.

_I can't wait to get back to school tomorrow._


	6. Chapter 06

"Well, see you later hyung. Take it easy ok?," And with that Changkyun was off to class.

I struggled a bit as I walked up the stairs to the school entrance, making sure to put most of my weight on my good ankle.

Getting out of bed early had gone better than I had expected. Getting ready however was a completely different story.

It had taken me forever to cover up all the discoloration on my face. They had started fading into a sickening greenish-yellow and looking at them through the mirror made me queasy so I made sure to plaster on my foundation as thick as socially accepted.

I wasn't into make-up or anything. I only used it when needed. Even after all these years I just couldn't get used to the sticky feeling. It was uncomfortable and I didn't understand why people used it voluntarily.

Anyways, the walk to school had taken forever. A normally eighteen minute walk had turned into a thirty minute one and consisted of mostly me hanging off of Changkyun. Luckily we had been so smart to leave earlier than normal just in case.

With much difficulty I pushed the door open, already feeling like I had spent all my energy for the day.

It was pretty quiet as I made my way to the cafeteria. Most students would arrive at the exact time the first bell rung. I looked at the time on my phone and saw it was eight AM, meaning I still had fifteen minutes till class.

As soon as I walked through the door of the cafeteria I saw the guys sitting at our usual table. They were hard to miss; we were almost the only ones that got here so early and met up before classes in the abandoned cafeteria.

I took a deep breath and slowly made my way over. Right before I reached the table Minhyuk had spotted me and was now bolting in my direction, almost tripping over his own feet before he launched himself at me.

"Ki! You're back!," he loudly yelled, crushing me into a hug.

I had to contain myself from wincing as Minhyuk swayed us back and forth. There was a particular big and painful bruise on my shoulder blade and Minhyuk had exactly placed his arm there.

Minhyuk didn't let go for minutes. I mouthed an inaudible "help" to the rest of my friends behind Minhyuk but they ignored me.

After quietly snickering they finally decided to come to the rescue.

"Min, let the guy go. You're suffocating him," Hyunwoo said after they had finished laughing.

"But I haven't seen my Kihyunnie for days. Days you hear me!," Minhyuk yelled but fortunately let go of me.

"I'm not ‘your’ Kihyunnie," I retorted and moved past him to sit in the only free spot left which so happened to be next to Hyungwon. I was surprised he was here on time and that he was even early was a shocker.

I barely sat down before Wonho spoke up.

"Changkyun told us last week, that you had the flu?," 

_O boy, here we go._

'Yeah," I said, avoiding direct eye contact.

"You feeling better now? Did you eat properly? Do you maybe need a painkiller?,’’ Jooheon rapidly fired at me.

"Slow down cowboy," Hyungwon said, "I didn't even catch half of what came out of your mouth,"

And now Jooheon and Hyungwon were bickering which was a rare sight. Then Minhyuk got involved and that was a more familiar situation.

Normally I would interrupt them but today I just settled on listening to them. Sometimes it was difficult to imagine that we were almost adults, especially with the three acting like actual five-year olds.

In the midst of it all, Wonho sat with a grin permanently plastered on his face, occasionally laughing like a madman.

I was happy they didn't bring up the fact that I had ignored their calls and messages. Changkyun picked up once for me to let them know I was still alive and apparently that had been enough.

I wanted to ask Minhyuk how his family dinner had gone, but settled on asking him later.

Suddenly a heavy hand landed on my forearm. I flinched and pulled my arm away instinctively, whipping my head around.

Hyunwoo was looking at me with confusion and I realised that my actions were suspicious.

I didn't know what to say so I just smiled sheepishly at him hoping to divert his attention.

It worked. The confusion made way for amusement. He mirrored my smile and I knew I was in the clear.

"If you start feeling ill just let us know okay?," He said.

I felt like crying, so I nodded in response, not trusting myself to speak.

It hurt. They were being so nice and they were genuinely worried but here I was, lying to their faces. And I was about to lie some more.

The second bell had rung, informing us that we should actually be in class already. I slowly wobbled after the rest as we got out of the cafeteria.

Once we had turned the corner I mis stepped as I had to evade someone running past me.

I let out a yelp and immediately crouched down to grip my ankle.

_Dammit!_

As I sat down with my hands clutched at my ankle, the guys turned back around to see what had happened. Hyungwon, only a few steps in front of me, was the first to reach me.

"Hyung, you okay?," He asked, worry seeping off his voice.

I took a deep breath.

"Yeah I just mis stepped a bit," I reluctantly answered.

By now everyone was next to me. Hyunwoo was crouched on the opposite side of Hyungwon. He pried my hands off my ankle and held on to my wrists as Hyungwon took the liberty to push up the leg of my jeans.

"What the f*ck," Minhyuk exclaimed.

My heart dropped and I weakly tried to slip my wrists out of Hyunwoo's grasp. He just held on tighter.

"Why is your ankle bandaged?," Hyungwon sounded demanding, forcing my head up to look at him.

_Sh*t._

I hadn't thought about an excuse. I had figured that they wouldn't find out so I hadn't even bothered to plan for this.

"I...was a bit hazy because of my fever I guess. I tripped over my bag a couple of days ago," 

_Liar._

"Ki, you've been tripping an awful lot the past few months...," Jooheon interfered.

I looked up and saw Jooheon staring back at me, eyes filled with something a keen to suspicion.

"True, but I've always been kinda clumsy," I tried to salvage, adding a chuckle to make it believable.

"Now that's not true," Minhyuk added accusingly, “We’ve known you for years and we've never even seen as much as you bumping into someone, let alone trip,"

_They don't believe me.  
They know I'm lying._

And I figured out I had used the excuse too much. They always seemed to believe me so It never crossed my mind that it sounded suspicious until know.

Not knowing how to counter Minhyuk's statement I turned back to look at Hyungwon who was still very focussed on my ankle.

With a frown on his face, Hyungwon poked at my ankle causing me to flinch and let out a little whimper.

Apparently alarmed at my reaction, he started fumbling with the fabric that was so carefully wrapped around my ankle.

I could feel the panic rising. If they saw they would find out for sure.

_What do I do?_

A collective gasp and the pressure on my wrists suddenly increasing made me realise that Hyungwon had successfully unwrapped the bandage.

"How the hell did you land to f*ck up your ankle this bad?!,"

Over this past weekend I had seriously thought about telling them. Everything. Not so that they could pity me but so that they maybe understood. Having a listening ear and a bigger net to catch me in case things got really bad sounded tempting.

In the end I decided not to. I didn't want to burden them with my problems and I felt selfish for even thinking about dropping that on them.

I didn't know how to answer. My brain was looking for all possible ways out of the situation but it couldn't find one.

I was cornered.

"Ki...," 

I turned to look at Hyunwoo and he was almost glaring at me, still holding my wrists.

_Think. Quick!_

"Kihyun!," he now yelled, pulling me a little closer.

My breathing hitched as Hyunwoo was now hovering a bit above me, his face only inches away from mine.

A jolt went through my body as I saw the anger on his face build. 

Suddenly it got harder to breathe.

The way he looked at me reminded me of a certain someone and I felt my heartbeat picking up.

_What is going on?_

"Dammit Kihyun! Say something!," he yelled.

My mind became blank and I froze. I could feel the cold sweat forming on the back of my neck. All moisture in my mouth was gone and it was difficult to swallow. I was confused. I didn't understand what was happening.

Hyunwoo pulled at my wrists once more, practically sending me crashing into him.

And then it hit me.

I was scared.

I was scared of Hyunwoo.

I was scared of my own friend.

"L-let go," I croaked out.

"Not until you tell us what's going on!," Hyunwoo yelled back.

"Guys," Wonho tried to get our attention, but Hyunwoo didn't seem to hear him.

"Do you think we're stupid Kihyun?!,"

With every word he said my mind turned into mush more and more.

I was hyper aware of everything. His grip on my wrists, his glare piercing me, his breath ghosting over my cheek.

"Please," I whispered as I shrunk into myself.

I had never seen Hyunwoo so angry. It wasn't him. He wasn't like this.

_Get away!_

"Hyunwoo stop!," Jooheon now yelled.

And I couldn't handle it anymore. I let out a sob and tried to pull away.

I couldn't focus. My mind was racing and I couldn't recognise anything.

My lungs were burning as I struggled to suck in air.

Suddenly my wrists were released and as fast as I could I scooted backwards. I barely registered hitting the wall behind me before I curled up.

I felt like I was going to die. My world was crumbling down, my mind somewhere far away.

Then someone grabbed me. Alarm bells went off in my head and I tried to push the person away.

"D-don't touch me !," I screamed.

The person didn't let me go, wrapping their arms around me instead.

I couldn't get away, the person was too strong.

Suddenly fingers combed through my hair and I was confused.

My mind slowed down and I swore I could recognise a voice.

"Hyung, it me. You're okay. I'm here," The person whispered in my ear.

It felt oddly calming and I stopped my attempts to push the person away.

"That's it. Just relax. I'm here," The person continued, “Focus on my voice okay?," 

Deep down I knew I could trust this person so I nodded.

"Okay, good," And the person started counting.

In at one, out at four.

He repeated it over and over. It was difficult but slowly my lungs stopped burning.

"Deep breaths hyung,"

My mind cleared up, no longer just a haze. I blinked a couple more times and the environment came into view.

I weakly pulled out of the person's embrace.

"Changkyun...?," I now saw that my little brother was sitting right in front of me.

"Hey hyung," He said with a little smile, fingers still combing through my hair.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth spreading through me. My muscles relaxed and I could breathe properly again.

Then I remembered I was at school. 

My eyes shot up and I looked around me.

Minhyuk was standing somewhere on my left, looking completely mortified. His eyes were red and he was staring right at me. Next to Minhyuk was Wonho. He was paying close attention to Minhyuk, his hands rubbing circles on his back. I could see he was whispering something to Minhyuk but I could hear what. Hyungwon was somewhere on my right. He was pacing around with a dazed expression. 

Jooheon was leaning against the wall across from me, Hyunwoo crouched down next to him. As soon as I made eye contact with Jooheon, he looked down at Hyunwoo and tapped his shoulder. His head shot up at Jooheon, who then pointed at me. Hyunwoo spun his head around and his eyes landed on me. My breath got caught in my throat and my heart dropped.

Tears were streaming down his face and I could see the look of regret in his eyes before he got up and stalked away, Jooheon quickly following him.

It was quiet. Too quiet. No one said anything. It was suffocating.

"Kyungie, aren't you supposed to be in class?," I asked.

"I was, but then Wonho called saying you were breathing weird," he answered.

_Aaah… That's not good._

"I'm sorry guys," I looked at my friends.

Then Minhyuk started moving and sat down next to me, taking my hand in his.

"No no Ki, we're sorry!," he said while shaking his head, “Changkyun told us that you indeed tripped. I'm sorry we didn't believe you. We were just worried ok?" 

Why would they be sorry? They didn't do anything wrong.

"Yeah, Hyunwoo shouldn't have acted like that," Hyungwon joined in. He had stopped pacing and he looked like he was thinking about something.

"No, it's fine. It's not his fault," I quickly answered.

"Are you okay now Ki?," Wonho asked.

"Yeah. Sorry," 

"So you wanna tell us what happened?," Hyungwon asked.

I looked at Changkyun, desperate to find an answer there but he just gave me a sad smile.

"It's... I'm just a bit stressed lately," I whispered, not sure if they had headed me.

_They are going to hate me when they find out..._

"You need to take better care not yourself Ki," Wonho sighed, running his hand through his hair.

I gave him a little nod and smiled at him.

"Will do!," I beamed at him.

This seemed to do the trick and the tension disappeared as snow in the sun.

It took some time to convince Changkyun that I was okay and that he should get back to class. The guys had to promise to take good care of me before he finally left.

By now we had missed most of The first class so we decided it wasn't worth going anymore.

And I felt even more guilt building up.

Hyungwon took his time re-bandaging my ankle before helping me up off the floor.


	7. Chapter 07

We didn't see Jooheon or Hyunwoo for the rest of the day. They didn't show up at biology or lunch. Hyunwoo even missed the gym class we had together. Even though I was allowed to leave I sat at the side with my eyes trained on the door, hoping that Hyunwoo would come walking in at some point.

He never did.

I wanted to apologize. I felt horrible about the fact that in my state of panic I had confused him with my father. He didn't know, but I felt terrible inside.

I had genuinely thought he was going to hurt me and thinking back it made me sad.

That night I couldn't sleep. They had been so close to finding out and it made me anxious. I was lucky that Changkyun had shown up and covered for me.

The next morning I was the first to arrive at school. Changkyun's first lesson got cancelled because his teacher had called in sick so he was currently still asleep at home.

Father had left early this morning so I knew that I could relax knowing Changkyun was home alone.

I took place at our usual table. I got bored from waiting and started tracing our initials which were carved into the top of the table. Minhyuk and Jooheon had been a mess as first-years and had decided on one rainy afternoon that it was a great idea to vandalize the table. It was school property, but for some reason they had gotten away with it.

And because the school never said anything about it, I had been the one to scold them.

The nickname "mom" stuck with me the rest of that school year.

I got pulled out of my thoughts when someone suddenly plopped down right in front of me. 

"Hey,"

I didn't need to look up to see who it was.

"Ki?," Hyunwoo asked almost inaudible.

I lifted my head up. Hyunwoo looked like a mess. His face was swollen and dark circles hung heavy under his eyes.

"Hyung, are you okay? You look like sh*t," I asked. I was genuinely concerned and I wondered if he even slept last night.

He ignored my question and just stared at me. It looked like he wanted to say something but didn't know how.

I smiled at him, hoping it would act as some kind of encouragement, but he just continued staring.

Now I was confused.

_Why isn't he saying anything?_

He must have had seen the confusion on my face. 

"I'm sorry," he breathed out, "I'm sorry for yelling at you like that yesterday,"

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean to. I'm sorry too. For reacting like that," I responded.

He looked down at the table and his eyebrows furrowed together.

"I'm sorry for scaring you. I was just really worried and I got angry. That doesn't mean it was okay for me to behave like that though,"

He looked back up and reached over and took my hand in his. 

"We're all really worried Ki. Whenever you get stressed just tell us okay? We can help you, that's what friends are for," He said, looking me straight in the eye and giving my hand a little squeeze.

Sadness washed over me and I knew that my eyes were getting teary.

"You always take care of us so please let us do the same. You always put others first, making sure they are okay even when you aren't. It's okay to be a bit more selfish Kihyun. Don't let yourself drown for the sake of others. We got you okay? You are our friend and we love you,"

I hadn't noticed I was crying until Hyunwoo gave me a little smile, leaned over the table and softly wiped the tears from my face.

I had mixed emotions. Hyunwoo's words made me feel happy and warm. They were genuine and they made think that maybe I was wanted, that I wasn't useless.

On the other hand I felt sad and guilty. I had the best friends in the world but I really didn't deserve them. 

Hyunwoo had let go of my hand and made his way over to sit next to me. As soon as he sat down he pulled me into a hug.

It was warm. It was safe. 

I let myself relax and rested my head on his shoulder.

Hyunwoo always smelled like freshly washed blankets and it was calming.

"We really love you Ki. I love you," he whispered.

I could practically hear my own heart skip a beat only to speed up ever so slightly afterwards. It was weird. I felt weird but I chose to ignore it and clung to Hyunwoo a bit more.

We sat like that until the door of the cafeteria got thrown open.

"Good morning b*tches!," Minhyuk yelled loudly as he stalked his way over to us, dragging a very tired-looking Hyungwon with him. Not long after Wonho and Jooheon had joined us.

"So, everyone coolio?," Hyungwon asked while yawning. 

I looked at Hyunwoo and smiled as he reached under the table to find my hand and give it a little squeeze.

"Yup, everyone coolio," I replied.

 

۞۞۞

 

The matter hadn't been brought up anymore that day. Neither the next. Or the one after that.

Thursday rolled around and I was stuck on the sideline of the field.

Today's gym class consisted of running around as a warm up, followed by a game of basketball. How original.

We did the same almost every week. The gym teacher just rotated between basketball, soccer and indoor hockey and the lack of variation got boring real quick.

Still everyone looked forward to it. Maybe because the teacher was a very cool dude or maybe because it didn't involve any actual studying. We did get grades but those were mostly based on participation and no actual skills.

And seeing how Hyunwoo struggled to manoeuvre past his opponents we were lucky to be graded like that.

He was doing unsurprisingly bad and just as I had anticipated he didn't get far. The ball got snatched by the opponent who then quickly dribbled away.

Hyunwoo really wasn't made to play sports that required any form of nimbleness.

It was funny, really, how someone so big and muscular could suck so much at sports.

Now swimming was a different story. It required a completely other set of skills which meant it was something he was good at. 

Hyunwoo's team had gotten the ball back and someone was stupid enough to pass it to Hyunwoo. And once again, he was only able to take a few steps before the ball got snatched again.

"Oh my god," One of his teammates exclaimed, clearly disappointed. I felt sorry for the team. Whoever chose Hyunwoo must have been feeling pretty frustrated at this point. 

_Don't judge a book by its cover, ey?_

Seeing this all from the sideline was hilarious and I had to try my hardest not to laugh out loud. That didn't stop me from giggling every time Hyunwoo got bombarded my the frustrated groans of his teammates.

The opposing team was way stronger than the team Hyunwoo was on, but that didn't keep them from trying their best. Unfortunately, the opposing team got their hands on the ball and scored in the last few seconds thus winning the game.

"Okay people, gather around," the teacher yelled over the loud cheering.

They made their way over to us, plopping down on the floor.

"I don't like basketball," Hyunwoo announced as he sat down next to me, looking very much exhausted.

"Because you suck at it? What else is new," I cheekily responded, handing him a bottle of water.

"Yah, Yoo Kihyun," He said and gave me a playful shove before bursting out laughing, “Why are you here anyways? You don't have to participate with your ankle like that," He asked.

"I don't know, to see you I guess?," I responded, giving a little smile.

I did not expect the look on Hyunwoo's face after I finished my sentence. Instead of smiling back, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth set in a tight line. Alarmed by the unexpected reaction, I turned a bit to see him better. There was an emotion in his eyes that I couldn't really place. He looked almost... sad?

"Are you okay?," I lay my hand on his shoulder and I swear I could almost feel his muscles tense.

He seemed to be contemplating something, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Hyung?," I tried, moving a bit closer.

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit sad we lost," He quickly responded, his eyes leaving mine to focus on the teacher.

It was strange. I could just feel that there was something wrong and that he wasn't telling me but I didn't want to pry. Maybe I was just overthinking things and unnecessarily making a big deal out of it.

"Okay, whatever you say," I responded.

"So, next week we're unfortunately going to be doing the running-test," the teacher said.

Immediately the gym was filled with groans and complaints. The running test was exactly what the name implied; running for a grade. It was the only test in gym that was mandatory, probably to give the schoolboard a false sense of control over the contents of the classes.

I hated running. It was something I was good at but it was just too exhausting. But then again, no one liked running for a grade. 

"I think I'm ill next week," Hyunwoo whispered in my ear, giving me a very exaggerated wink when I looked at him.

Apparently whatever was wrong earlier was gone and I was happy that Hyunwoo was acting like himself again. 

"I think I will be too," I returned with a little chuckle.

People generally turned up for gym class every week, but on the days we had to the running-test a suspiciously big amount of students were ill, proclaimed to be injured or on their period thus dying.

The teacher never said anything about it though. He thought the whole test was bullsh*t anyways so with a bit of convincing you could easily skip out. The teacher would fill in a passing grade anyways.

"I know it's annoying but I'm just following the rules," The teacher said, trying to shut down the complains off the students.

With that class was dismissed. 

۞۞۞

"You got any more classes today?," Hyunwoo asked as we made our way to our lockers.

"Nope," I said as I opened my locker.

"Lucky bastard," Hyunwoo whispered.

"Hey, it's not my fault you chose economics over history!," I retorted.

Hyunwoo let out a little huff before holding the books I handed him.

"I was never told that it would mean more hours," he groaned, inspecting the books in his hands, “But I may have made the right choice seeing how big these history books are," 

I chuckled and closed my locker, taking my books back from Hyunwoo.

"They are but it's really interesting," I said as we moved to Hyunwoo's locker.

It really was interesting. Something about history just fascinated me. I liked learning about The opium war, Mussolini, crusades etcetera etcetera.

The past made the world today, leaving traces in everything from culture to politics and that just fascinated me.

"I'm glad at least someone likes it,“ Hyunwoo said before prying open his locker and ditching his gym clothes in there.

I rolled my eyes at the statement, pushing back the need to make a sassy remark about Hyunwoo's lack of interest in any subject that involved a lot of memorizing.

Hyunwoo closed his locker and we slowly made our way over to the cafeteria. The guys were already there, waving at us when we came closer before returning to discussing whatever the hell they were arguing about.

"So, you got any plans for today?," Hyunwoo asked as we sat down.

"Nope. I think I'm just gonna catch up on some series since I don't have any homework for tomorrow," I replied.

"Maybe we-,"

"Ki let's hang out then! It's been forever since you came over and mom's been constantly asking how you are doing," Minhyuk piped up, clearly excited about the idea.

"Yeah sure Min," I said.

It had really been forever since I had hung out with my best friend and I kind of missed it. Don't get me wrong; I liked hanging out with the whole group but it was always chaotic, something that seemed to drain my energy lately.

Minhyuk could be surprisingly serious and calm when you were alone with him. He probably just got fuelled by the others, being the social butterfly that he was.

I remembered Hyunwoo saying something so I turned towards him.

"Sorry hyung, you were going to say something?," I asked him.

And there was that look again. The same one from gym class.

"No never mind, it wasn't important anyways," He responded while smiling before turning towards Jooheon and starting up a conversation about some presentation for geography.

His behaviour left me confused once again. I didn't understand what was bothering him. Hyunwoo was an open book to me. He was easy to read, even though the others claimed differently, and the lack of my ability to understand him was irritating me.

As first years we hadn't been the best of friends. I had found his calm and silent nature awkward. I wasn't very good with new people and apparently neither was the older.

It had taken quite some time to get used to each other and it was only after a few months that I found out that he could get pretty protective over our group of friends. He was a loyal guy that couldn't stand injustice of any kind.

Jooheon had gotten in a fight with some older guys from school. The assh*les had bumped into him and claimed it had been Jooheon's fault. It was pretty cliché and no actual fighting had been involved but Hyunwoo had gotten very worked up about the issue. We could barely keep him from storming off to find the guys after Jooheon had told us. 

It was only after he had finished walking a few laps around the school, which I had ordered him to do so, that he had calmed down.

It had surprised me. Hyunwoo was the most passive guy I knew and it always seemed like things never really bothered him. That day had been quite the awakening.

"So you guys have to be there at eight tomorrow night," Jooheon spoke up.

He was met by a collective hum and he nodded.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go and grab dinner beforehand?," Wonho voiced out, glancing at us one by one.

"I guess we could. We're all out early on Fridays anyways," Hyungwon answered.

"I'm in!," Minhyuk yelled, "I say we go to Mikey's basement,"

Mikey's basement was a diner we had discovered in our second year. We had just stumbled upon it and it had been our go-to spot ever since. Unlike how the name implied, it wasn't a basement. Neither was the owner's name Mickey, but that only made the place more likeable.

"Sure, we haven't been there in a while. I wonder how Gwon is doing," Jooheon replied.

Gwon, or Gwon Junghoon, was the fourty-year old owner of Mickey's basement. He was a great man who loved doing what he did. He could be a little rough around the edges but he was generally a kind and wise soul. 

So with that we agreed to meet up at six in front of the diner.

It made me a little nervous. I didn't know how father was going to react when I wouldn't be home to make dinner.

And then I felt my heart drop.

I realised I had completely forgotten to ask for permission to go hang out with the guys. The past week had been busy and it had totally slipped my mind.

"Shit...," I whispered.

"Hmmm?," Hyunwoo turned back to me, seemingly having heard me.

"Sorry?," I responded, trying to sound as confused as possible.

Hyunwoo's eyebrow shot up.

"You said something?," He asked.

"Nope," I replied.

He threw me another confused look before returning to the conversation.

I let out a sigh and went through all my options in my head.

_I could ask him as soon as I get home?_

I knew that wasn't a great idea. I would get yelled at for waiting so long to ask. I wouldn't get permission because it was on such a short notice.

_Sneak out?_

That was even worse but if done well father wouldn't even notice I was gone. After dinner he would lock himself in his study anyways so we barely saw him in the evening.

_Bail out on going?_

It was the safest option, but I shot the thought down as soon as it entered my head. I had already decided on going no matter the consequences. Right now it was friends before anything else.

So sneaking out it was. I just had to hope for the best.

Now going to dinner beforehand was a whole different story. If I sneaked out father would immediately know. Plus Changkyun would go to Bambam's after dinner and I could not possibly leave him alone with an angry father.

"Guys, I don't think I can make it for dinner," I interrupted.

All attention was now on me and for some reason it felt heavy.

"Why not?," Wonho asked, sounding disappointed.

_Here we go again_

"I promised Kyungie to help with his history homework," I tried to sound as neutral as possible.

Pulling your little brother into your lies. Good job.

I could just feel the previous excitement drift away.

"Okay," Wonho said.

A little silence surrounded us and I knew In had brought the mood down once again. At this point I was wondering why they were even friends with me.

Hyunwoo seemed to notice my discomfort as he gave my thigh a little pat.

"So we'll just meet you at the escape room then," He stated.

I looked at him and gave him a thankful smile, at which he gave my thigh a little squeeze.

To be honest, lying so often was becoming tiring. Every time I did it just chipped away at my consciousness. And every time I realised that I was purposefully deceiving my friends I felt horrible. 

The matter was dropped as the ball rung, prompting everyone except me and Minhyuk to get to their next class.


	8. Chapter 08

"Hop on," Minhyuk said with his bike in his hands.

He lived near school, but he claimed it was too far to walk thus he mostly used his bike as his mode of transport.

"I swear, if we end up in some bushes again...," I muttered as I moved to sit behind him.

"Bro that happened just one time! Put some trust in me will ya?," Minhyuk yelled.

The last time I went to Minhyuk's place we went by bike as well. It had been a few minutes of swerving before we had landed in some bushes next to the road.

"Whatever, just go," I said as I held on to Minhyuk.

"Aye yay captain!," and off we were.

Like I had feared, we were swerving the whole way again but fortunately we didn't faceplant into any flora this time.

"See? I'm a great driver," Minhyuk smugly said as he parked his bike in front of his house.

I rolled my eyes and gave him a little pat before we made our way into his house. As soon as we entered I felt myself relax. I was always on edge lately but the familiarity of Minhyuk's place made it all disappear. 

I liked the Lee residence. It was a mess of mismatched furniture, green plants everywhere and love for everyone.

"Oh Kihyun, darling! How are you sweetie?," Minhyuk's mom yelled as she pulled me in for a hug.

"I've doing well Mrs Lee," I responded, pulling out from her embrace.

"Stop it. It's Sunhee to you," She looked at me sternly before going back to smiling.

Minhyuk's mom was the best. She just radiated warmth. A warmth that was barely present in my life.

Sometimes I missed mom, but most of the time I was angry at her. Angry for leaving all those years ago and leaving me and Changkyun to deal with our father on our own.

Over the years I had started to see her reasons for cheating on father. I could see why she would divorce such a man. 

Though I could not see why she hadn't taken us, her own children, with her. 

"Are you boys hungry? I made a cake that's just begging to be eaten," She said as she clapped her hands together.

A few minutes later we were sitting in the kitchen being stuffed with cake.

"How is it? Is it too sweet? I should have put in more lemon right?," Minhyuk's mom rambled.

"I think it's perfect. I can't remember the last time I had cake," I struggled to say, my mouth being stuffed.

Minhyuk just chuckled as I almost choked.

"Ooh that's a relieve. Eat some more Kihyun! You have become too skinny," She looked concerned and turned around to get another slice.

"No thanks Sunhee, I'm stuffed," I responded.

After we were done we divided to help Minhyuk's mom out with the dishes. We were having some small talk before the conversation turned towards a more sensitive subject.

"So you guys are going out tomorrow?," Minhyuk's mom asked.

"Yeah. Jooheon found this escape room a few weeks back and he kept whining about wanting to go. We're going to have dinner before so I won't be eating at home," Minhyuk responded while handing me a clean plate.

"And it's just going to be the guys? No girls coming along?," She asked cheekily.

I felt my heartbeat pick up ever so slightly at the question. I turned around to look at Minhyuk and in his eyes I saw that he was uncomfortable.

His mom probably didn't mean anything with the question, but I knew that it made Minhyuk feel like there was no room to NOT like girls.

"Just us," I said, still looking at Minhyuk.

I wasn't so effected by it as Minhyuk was. He was afraid of losing his family, even though it was truly an irrational fear in my eyes.

For me, it wasn't a matter of acceptance. I knew my father would never accept it and frankly I didn't care what he thought. Any affection I felt for the man had been thrown out the window a long time ago.

For me it was a matter of life or death. Maybe that was an exaggeration, maybe it wasn't.

That was the difference; Minhyuk would not end up in a hospital if he told his parents but I most definitely would.

"That's unfortunate. You are all great guys. I don't understand why you guys are all still single," She said.

I could see on Minhyuk's face that he was growing more uncomfortable by the minute.

"We just like to focus on school more. Plus we barely even have any time to hang out with each other," I responded.

Minhyuk mom gave a little hum and dropped the subject. I saw this as our chance and said goodbye before dragging Minhyuk to his room.

Once inside, Minhyuk threw himself on his bed with a groan.

"This sucks," He said, voice muffled by his pillow.

I let out a sigh and sat down next to him on his bed.

"I know Min," I said as I threaded my fingers through his hair.

We stayed in silence for minutes, neither one of us feeling the need to say anything. That was one of the best parts of being friends with Minhyuk; it was never awkward. Maybe that's why I gravitated towards him when I first started highschool.

At first I had thought that Minhyuk was just the loud attention seeker, but after his endless attempts to become friends I found out that he was just someone that thrived around other people.

"I liked you, you know?," Minhyuk suddenly spoke up, head still buried in his pillow.

"Sorry what?," I asked, not having heard him clearly.

"I wanted to be your friend because I liked you," Minhyuk said a little louder.

_Liked?_

_Why the past tense?_

For a second I was afraid he was telling me that he didn't like being my friend anymore before stopping myself from going down that rabbit hole.

"Well I guess I liked you too even though you were, and are, quite loud. I'm happy we became friends," I chuckled.

"That's not what I mean," Minhyuk responded, moving to sit up to face me.

"What do you mean then?," I asked, confused about what he was trying to tell me.

"It because of you that I figured out I like boys and not girls," He said.

I still didn't really get what he meant. I tried to dig my memory in hopes of finding what I possibly could have done to help him but I couldn't so I ended up giving him a confused look.

"God do I need to spell it out Ki?!," Minhyuk yelled before facepalming.

He let out a sigh and looked up at me again.

"I'm saying that I had this massive crush on you," Minhyuk said before flopping back on his bed.

_Oh._

_Oooooh_

I had not seen that one coming.

"Wow," I so ever eloquently responded. My mind sped up as it tried to find out what to do with the information.

But it made sense now. Why he had tried so hard to befriend me. I had always wondered why he had kept trying.

_I guess I got my answer..._

"But then I found out you were a naggy b*tch so I was like, naaaah I'm out," He said with a playful grin.

I didn't know what to say. It wasn't as if I found his sudden confession awkward, I just didn't know what to say to him.

"I don't like you in that way anymore though so don't worry," He said while giving me a wink.

I felt relieve wash over me at the statement. I never had thought of Minhyuk as anything else but my best friend so I would have been sad for him if he still liked me. And he was clearly over it judging from the playfulness in his words.

"I'm sorry," I responded, holding his hand.

He didn't say anything. He just smiled back at me. And then I wondered why he had decided to tell me this, at this moment.

"But you're telling me now because...?"

"I'm telling you now because you're dense as f*ck. Don't get me wrong, I love you, but sometimes you're so stupid,"

I could help but feel slightly offended by Minhyuk's comment.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?," I asked, voice slightly louder than I had intended.

Minhyuk just giggled and wiggled his brows.

"Wouldn't you like to know," he answered, clearly amused.

"Min seriously, get to the point!," I was annoyed.

"I'm just saying that maybe you need to look more closely at the people around you," Minhyuk responded.

I let out a frustrated groan.

"Ye whom speaketh in riddles, f*cking stop being so damn vague," I said, flopping down on the bed next to him.

Minhyuk's laughter filled the room before he turned all serious again.

"Do you like someone?," He asked.

"I don't think so, why?," I responded.

He didn't answer for a while. Then he turned on his side and looked at me again.

"Are you sure?," He squinted his eyes.

"Yes I'm sure, jeez...," I responded.

I wondered what the hell was going on with everyone today. First Hyunwoo and now Minhyuk. Apparently today was ‘confuse-Kihyun-day’ or something. 

"Ki, I'm worried," Minhyuk interrupted my train of thought.

I rolled on my side as well, seeing the concerned expression on my best friends face.

"You seem so distant lately. Like you're not really there with us. We've all noticed that you are becoming more and more passive around us," Minhyuk said.

My heart made a little jump in my chest but I tried to ignore it.

"What are you talking about?," I asked with a sigh.

"It's been going on for months now Ki! We let it slip at first because we thought you just needed some time for yourself but there is clearly something not right!," He yelled.

"Stop being so delusional," I responded, voice louder than I had intended. I really did not want to have this conversation and the fact that they had talked about me behind my back didn’t sit well with me, even if they had done so with the best intentions.

"It's not delusional and it's you that needs to stop!," Minhyuk hissed, clearly not having it.

I felt another headache coming up and with the last fight I had with Minhyuk still fresh in mind I decided that arguing wasn't a good idea right now.

"Min please, I'm fine. Can we please drop this? I'm getting a headache," I whispered as I pressed my temples.

Minhyuk let out a sigh before rolling on his back.

"For now, but don't think we won't talk about this later," He responded with irritation in his voice.

The tension was gone, but I felt uncomfortable. I knew he meant well but knowing that the guys had talked about me behind my back hurt a bit.

And I knew I was being a hypocrite. Who was I to judge them for keeping things from me? I was the one that had started it in the first place.

I wanted to leave. For the first time ever I wanted to go home. And it shocked me a bit. I loved being at Minhyuk's place and normally I stayed as long as I possibly could but the fact that the guys were on to me made me anxious.

So I was happy when I saw that the sun had already started to set, giving me an excuse to run away.

"I got to get home. Cooking dinner and stuff," I broke the silence.

"Sure, see you tomorrow," Minhyuk responded without looking at me.

I hesitated, wanting to fix things with Minhyuk, before getting up. 

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," I whispered.

And with that I was out of Minhyuk's room and making my way downstairs. 

It felt wrong. The way we left things was wrong.


	9. Chapter 09

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Salute plurimam dicit. Si vales, bene est, ego valeo.
> 
> So...
> 
> I've been updating like crazy as you may have noticed xD I don't know if its a good thing to upload chapters like there is no tomorrow but I myself strongly dislike waiting for long updates on stories, especially when the writer tells you that the story is already finished. 
> 
> But I was actually gonna say that the response is better than I had thought...?  
> It's my first fanfic ever and I've been working on it for months now and it feels weird to finally upload it.
> 
> Anyway, Please let me know what you guys think about it ^^
> 
> ps In case you hadn't figured it out yet, English is not my first language. I used to do bilingual education (my highschool subjects were in English) but it has been YEARS so my ability to use grammar correctly has rapidly decreased, same for my 'advanced' vocabulairy. I caught some minor mistakes in a previous chapter and I'll will work on fixing those soon ^^

The walk home was quite far. Minhyuk lived in the opposite direction from me, school stuck in the middle. From Minhyuk's to school was ten minutes and from school to home eighteen. 

The sun was almost gone now, painting the sky with beautiful hues and the beauty of it made everything that had happened today seem so much worse.

I didn't want to think so I pulled out my headphones from my bag as I walked. 

Music was everything to me. It was an escape. It sometimes really felt like it was the only thing that kept me alive. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for music. 

And Changkyun.   
And my friends.

I was getting closer to home and that horrible dread made may for anxiousness. Even though I knew father was having a dinner with some people from work, I was scared he had cancelled it meaning he was home.

As my house came in to view I relaxed. There was no car in the driveway.

That evening I actually managed to get some stuff for school done, giving me enough time left to watch a movie with Changkyun. It was some kind of crappy action movie where I couldn't care less about but Changkyun had been adamant about watching it so I just let him. 

We were still on the couch, just talking, when father got home.

Like always, the door got thrown open with a loud bang. Changkyun and I jumped up from the couch.

Father didn't even look at us as he made his way to the kitchen and for a second I had hope even though I knew he was probably drunk.

"Kihyun!," Father yelled from the kitchen. 

 

That awful feeling of your muscles locking up rushed over me and my heart beat picked up.

"Hyung," Changkyun said next to me, but I barely registered it. My mind was slipping away and I could feel it going down the drain.

"You f*cking...," Father yelled as he reappeared in the living room. 

_F*ck_

A hand slipped in mine and I got reminded that Changkyun was next to me. 

The world got a little clearer now that the adrenaline started kicking in.

_Focus_

It wasn't the time to freak out, I couldn't afford it with Changkyun present. Taking a deep breath, I squeezed his hand and leaned towards him.

"Go to your room," I whispered before slipping my hand out of his.

Changkyun's eyes met mine and I knew he was hesitating. The way his pupils were all over the place gave it away. 

"Kyung, now," I urged him, leaving no room to argue.

But by now father was standing right in front of us, blocking the way.

"It's impolite to whisper in company of others!," Father yelled, taking a step closer.

The stench of alcohol penetrated my nose. It was disgusting.

with an unsteady hand, I gripped Changkyun's wrist and tugged him behind me. 

"You answer when I talk to you," He bellowed in my face and before I knew it he had grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. The fabric was digging into my neck and I could almost feel my blood circulation getting cut off even though I knew it took more pressure for that to happen.

Yes I was scared, but the instinct to protect Changkyun took over.

"Please step out of the way, Changkyun needs to go to sleep. He has school in the morning," I responded, trying to keep the fear out of my voice but failing when it still cracked at the last word.

"You don't get to tell me what to do!," He hissed in my face.

I squeezed my eyes shut at the proximity, the smell of sweat mixed with alcohol was making me nauseous.

A violent tug on my shirt and I was spiralling to the ground. 

I landed on my side, fortunately just missing the little table in front of the tv, but crashing right on my elbow. 

"Hyung!," Changkyun yelled, trying to sneak around father.

I bit back a hiss as I sat up. My elbow was definitely going to be stiff tomorrow.

Father gave Changkyun a little shove before kneeling down in front of me.

"You are pathetic," He whispered.

And then a hand connected to my cheek. My ears started ringing and tears welled up in my eyes. Just as I looked back up I saw father going in for another slap before Changkyun suddenly moved.

"Stop!," He yelled as he clung on to fathers arm.

I thought I knew what fear was but what Changkyun was doing was taking that to the next level and I could feel the blood draining out of my face.

But fortunately father didn't seem to be even slightly bothered by Changkyun as it took him no effort at all to pry him off. 

"Go to your room brat," Father spat at Changkyun before turning back to me.

However, Changkyun just froze. I could hear him contemplating what he should do. 

"Go," I yelled at him, giving him a glare.

Changkyun flinched before looking at me. I knew he hated yelling, but I needed him to leave. Relieve washed over me as he gave a little nod and took off.

Now that I knew that Changkyun was okay, I feared for myself. My elbow was throbbing and there was no room for me to get up with father crouched in front of me. I had nowhere to go.

"Why is there no more beer in the fridge?," He asked as he grabbed my chin, directing my head up.

_Aha_

"S-sorry, I hadn't noticed," I replied. By now the tears were streaming down my face.

The grip on my chin got tighter, making it impossible to move away.

"How dumb are you?!," Father screamed in my face and I flinched.

"I-I'm rea...really s-sorry!," I croaked out. 

Father let out a dissatisfied grunt and let go of my chin with a little push.

"And why did you only get a C+ on your last test, huh?!," He bellowed before he punched me in my stomach.

I let out a scream and doubled over.

_How did he know?_

"Thought I wouldn't find out?! You are quite bad at hiding things," He yelled.

The fact that he had gone out of his way to, apparently, go through my drawers baffled me. As far as I knew he had never done that before. 

I was panting and I couldn't form any words, a dull pain spreading across my abdomen.

"Useless," He muttered before standing up and plopping down on the couch.

As soon as he closed his eyes I got to my feet and dashed out of the room. I made it up the stairs in less than two seconds and almost threw myself at my door. It didn't open as I pushed the handle down so my shoulder collided with the wood.

"Sh*t," I hissed out. Now my shoulder was throbbing as well.

I tried the handle again but my door still didn't open.

 _What the f*ck?!_

Then a sound came from the other side of the door and I realised that Changkyun had probably locked himself inside my room.

"Kyungie...?," I whispered through the door.

There was no response so I knocked. 

"Kyungie it's just me. Can you unlock the door please?," I said a little louder, my voice trembling a bit.

I could hear movement and the door unlocked and opened. Changkyun peeked his head out before stepping back into my room.

Thirty minutes later we were buried underneath my blankets, Changkyun sleeping soundly while curled up against me.

Somehow I had been brave enough to sneak back down a few minutes ago to get an ice pack which I had now firmly pressed against my right cheek. Hopefully it would prevent my cheek from swelling too much.

I couldn't sleep, contemplating what to do. It was clear that this wasn't a way to live and I didn't know how long I would be able to keep this up.

The constant fear was wearing me out. I had not only myself, but also Changkyun to look out for. And god knows if father would eventually become aggressive towards Changkyun.

But I knew I had no options. We had nowhere to go and most definitely no money. Sure, I did have some saved up from a few part-time jobs I used to have, but that was nowhere near enough to sustain two people.

It would mean I would have to stop going to school and start working. And even though it maybe was a sacrifice that could ensure our safety, a part of me wasn't willing to give up my education.

And maybe somewhere deep down I still had hope that father would come around one day.

۞۞۞

"So, see you guys at eight!," I yelled to the guys as I made my way out of school.

"See ya!," Jooheon yelled back.

I was really looking forward to tonight, and so did the rest. Especially Jooheon and Minhyuk. They just hadn't been able to shut up about it all day, not even during class. In the end they had almost gotten detention because of it.

Hyungwon tried to play it cool, but I could see I his eyes that he couldn't wait. I even caught him checking out the website of the escape room during lunch.

Hyunwoo didn't really seem to care though. When I had asked him about it he told me that he just looked forward to hanging out together and that he didn't really care what we did as long as we had fun.

Fortunately, Minhyuk hadn't tried to continue the conversation we had yesterday. Things felt like they were back to normal and I was grateful for that. Like I had said before: it was never awkward with Minhyuk. Or at least, they never stayed awkward for long.

The walk back home was a little lonely. Changkyun had decided last minute that he would go to Bambam's right after school. He wouldn't be home for dinner, which meant that it was just me and father. 

And I really regretted not going to the diner with the guys. All the way home I kept rethinking my plan of sneaking out.

Father would probably go to his study after dinner and would most likely not come out until it was time for bed. This gave me a window of approximately five hours which must be plenty.

I got pleasantly surprised when I arrived home. Father was nowhere to be seen. He would always work from home on Fridays so it was a bit confusing, but nice. I inspected the dinner table but there were no signs of a note having been left behind. Not that he would always tell us where he went, but he would whenever he had plans to stay out for a long period of time.

A few hours passed by and father was still not home, even though it was around six which was the time we would usually have dinner.

_What if he's out for the night...?_

It was possible. It happened all the time. Tonight could be one of those times that father would just disappear only to come back deep into the night or sometimes even the next day.

I looked back at the clock and started calculating.

_If I leave now I'll be at the diner only a little after seven..._

And then I started moving. 

_The hell with it, I'm going_

I rushed to change into more comfortable clothes, struggling to get my hoodie on. My elbow was bruised and the stiffness in the joint made moving it a bit difficult. After putting on my favourite jeans I sent Changkyun a text telling him that father wasn't home at the moment and that I would hide the house key in the usual spot. I stepped outside and locked the door before hiding the key. I knew Changkyun had one of his own but we always hid a spare one just in case. I checked once more if I had everything before moving to the bus stop.

The bus ride took about twelve minutes which gave me enough time to second-guess my choice. It had almost made me miss my stop.

_Well, no going back now._


	10. Chapter 10

The walk from the bus stop to diner was a short one. It was just around the corner. The diner came into view and I checked the time. It was a little past seven, meaning I had gotten here earlier than I had expected.

When I entered the diner, I was hit by the smell of grease and something sweet. It was a mix of smells that made the place feel so comfy; it smelled like Mickey's basement.

I looked around and I saw Hyunwoo sitting at a table in the back. It seemed like the rest would be here "fashionably late", as Hyungwon liked to call it. He always said the same thing whenever he would be late for class. All stress left my body as I walked over towards Hyunwoo. For some reason I felt a surge of happiness going through me and I was really glad that I was here.

Hyunwoo was looking at his phone and hadn't noticed me approaching so I sneaked behind him. Chances like this didn't come by often.

"Guess who?," I chuckled as I stood behind him, blocking his eyes with my hands. The fact that it was so cliché added to the fun of it.

I had to contain my laughter when Hyunwoo let out a surprised "huh". The way he said it sounded so dumb but what else was new.

"Ki?," he said hesitantly.

"Bingo!," I yelled as I removed my hands.

Hyunwoo whipped his head around. His eyes doubled in size as he looked at me.

"Stop staring," I snorted, amused by his reaction.

Suddenly Hyunwoo shot up and pulled me in for a hug. It was surprising, but not unwelcome.

"Well, hello to you too," I chuckled, voice muffled by Hyunwoo's shoulder.

"I'm happy you're here," He said, not letting go of me.

And I suddenly felt sad. I had no idea where it came from, but it was just there.

"Me too," I whispered, hugging him back.

We stayed like that for a bit and I noticed how warm Hyunwoo was. It was melting away the tension in my muscles that seemed to be present all the time lately. I let out a little sigh and relaxed in Hyunwoo's arms as he tightened his grip ever so slightly.

"You smell like freshly-washed sheets," I blurted out as we let each other go.

I had not intended to say that but the words had just slipped my mouth before I knew it.

"Thanks I guess?," Hyunwoo grinned.

I tried to ignore the embarrassment as I sat down in front of him.

"And you smell like vanilla," Hyunwoo said before picking up his phone again, focused on the screen.

Now I was embarrassed.

_Why did I even say that..._

But before I could confuse myself even more, the rest of the guys walked in. As per usual, Minhyuk was dragging along a very sleepy-looking Hyungwon while Wonho and Jooheon strolled after them.

I saw them scanning the place before their eyes landed on me and Hyunwoo. The surprise on their faces was priceless so I just chuckled and waved at them.

"What are you doing here?," Hyungwon asked as they slipped into the seats next to us, his eyebrows raised.

I had not missed the slight irritation in his voice and it irked me, something that happened quite a lot lately. 

"You want me to leave or something?," I asked, feeling a little offended.

"No no he doesn't mean it like that! He's just grumpy that I interrupted his beauty sleep," Minhyuk said.

"Minhyuk you literally pushed me out of bed," Hyungwon sighted.

"It's your own fault. You weren't picking up your phone so I figured you were sleeping. You would have been late if I hadn't come and dragged your ass out," Minhyuk accused.

"That's not the point," Hyungwon shot back.

Before their little argument could escalate a waiter appeared at our table asking what we wanted to order. A few minutes later we sat with our drinks in hand waiting for our food. 

"Didn't you have to help Changkyun?," Wonho asked, sipping his milkshake.

"Yeah but he went to a friend's house so here I am," I responded.

Finally our food arrived and the conversation died down. I was hungrier that I had realised and I couldn't remember the last time I had such an appetite.

Dinner with the guys was always fun, mostly because Wonho would always take Minhyuk up for a bet. This time Minhyuk had dared him to stuff a whole steamed potato in his mouth and Wonho was stupid enough to try it. Wonho was a sweetheart but sometimes not that great in anticipating consequences. Minhyuk surely knew how to manipulate people, playing into Wonho's pride every time.

So now Wonho was almost choking while Minhyuk was laughing like a hyena. 

"Stop it Min, have some sympathy for the guy," I addressed my friend as I leaned over to press a glass of water in Wonho's hands. He gave me a thankful smile and took a sip.

Minhyuk didn't respond as he tried to stop the fits of laughter escaping him.

"You okay hyung?," I asked Wonho, scanning his face for any remaining discomfort.

"Yeah, thanks," He croaked out.

Just when I thought the peace had returned, Jooheon burned his lip on his food and Hyungwon accidently knocked over his drink. 

"Oh my god, you guys are a disaster. How come no one has died yet?," I scolded them as I inspected Jooheon’s lip, leaving Hyunwoo to help Hyungwon with cleaning up the spilled drink.

Minhyuk was now almost on the floor, clutching his stomach as he laughed.

They really were a mess.

I let out a sigh as I moved away from Jooheon. It seemed like it was only slightly burned and that there was no real damage.

"I'm going to ask for some ice," I said and made my way to the counter, throwing Hyunwoo a look as if to ask him to making sure they wouldn't injure themselves any further. He seemed to understand and nodded, his lips curling up into a smile. 

I left the guys behind me to walk up to the waiter. Just as I was about to explain the situation to him, the owner stepped in.

"Kihyun! Long-time no see," Gwon said as he stepped towards me.

He signalled for the waiter to leave, presumably for his brake, and turned back towards me.

"Hey Gwon. It has been quite long indeed," I responded, smiling at the man.

Gwon was a warm man and even though we were quite the chaotic bunch he never said anything about it. Sometimes he would scold us for being so loud but in his eyes I could see that he didn't really mean it.

I explained to him that I needed some ice for Jooheon's lip and the man shook his head in disappointment before crouching down behind the counter.

"How are things going? Is school going okay?," He asked while he rummaged trough their mini-freezer.

"It's a bit hectic with all the exams but that's nothing unexpected," I responded.

With a hum he stood back up and handed me an ice pack.

I thanked him and I was just about to turn away when he spoke up again.

"And your dad?," He asked.

And suddenly I didn't feel as happy as before.

Gwon was the only one besides Changkyun who knew about my father. Well, not really but he knew that our relationship wasn't great. He didn't know about all the times I got knocked down and had to patch myself up.

I hadn't intended for him to know. I had just so happened to find myself in the diner one night, cheek still red and with tears in my eyes. It was almost two years ago that father had really hit me for the first time and while freaking out, my legs had decided to carry me there on their own.

Gwon hadn't asked what was going on when he had sat me down and handed me a cup of tea.  
After calming down I had told him that my father and I had fought. He had just petted my head as I cried.

So ever since that night, whenever I was here with or without the guys, he would ask me if things were going better between me and my father and I always gave him the same answer. I had convinced him that the slap had been a one-time thing even though it had had only gotten worse.

"It's about the same," I responded quietly.

"I hope you guys can talk it out soon," He said with a sad smile on his face, "It would be sad if one fight caused such a strain in a father-son relationship,"

It wasn't something we could just solve by talking. We were way past the point where a civilised conversation would do the trick, but I couldn't blame Gwon. He didn't know.

"Did you fight with your dad?," A voice next to me suddenly asked.

I whipped around only to find Hyunwoo standing next to me, tissues soaked with sprite in his hands.

My heart stopped for a second and I swore I could see Hyunwoo's eyes narrow while mine grew bigger.

_No no no_

In the corners of my eyes I saw Gwon's lips tighten in a straight line before he walked away.

"No?," I squeaked.

Hyunwoo's eyes narrowed even more and I knew that denying even further wasn't going to help. 

"Maybe?" I hesitantly said.

And Hyunwoo's face relaxed and he turned to the little bin on the counter to dump the tissues.

_Steady breaths_

"What happened?," Hyunwoo asked as he faced me again, concern written all over his face.

"Nothing much. He just wasn't really happy with that C+ I got in maths," I tried to say as nonchalantly as possible and Hyunwoo seemed to fall for it.

"Oh, is it bad?," He asked as he placed his hands on my shoulder.

His gaze was burning me. It was as if he was trying to look right into my head and it made me uncomfortable.

"Not really. He's just a bit disappointed but everything will be fine tomorrow I think," I replied.

Hyunwoo's hands slipped off my shoulders and he smiled at me.

"I get it. I guess it's just a parent thing right? He will come around," He said as he swung an arm around me, dragging me back to our table.

''I don't think so,'' I muttered under my breath.


	11. Chapter 11

"I don't get it," Minhyuk muttered as he was standing next to me, staring at the periodic table on the wall.

"Not surprising," I responded as I was jotting down the numbers that corresponded to the elements in my hand.

"Haha very funny," Minhyuk responded before walking away.

"Guys, we got eleven minutes left!," Jooheon yelled from the other side of the room.

I needed one more number to finish the code that would lead us to escape. There was only one element left in my hands. It was silver in colour which meant it could be a couple of elements.

I figured that they wouldn't choose a very obscure element because it should be recognizable for anyone.

This lead me to think that it was either just plain silver or iron. However, I didn't know how I was going to tell which one of the two it was. I had my suspicions, judging by weight, but I wasn't sure.

"Why is there a magnet stuck here?," Hyungwon suddenly asked.

I turned around and saw Hyungwon laying on the floor, his upper body shoved under a table. For a second I wondered why he was even there in the first place but soon brushed it off.

I had an idea.

"Hyungwon! Pass me that magnet," I yelled as I crouched down next to him.

A hand appeared from underneath the table and I quickly took the little magnet from said hand.

I stood back up and held the magnet against the last element.

The magnet stuck.

I rapidly scanned the periodic table again until I finally found what I was looking for and I jotted down the last number 

"Got it guys!," I yelled as I walked over towards the guys who were standing at the door.

Jooheon quickly turned towards the door, his hands ready at the lock.

"Bring it," he said.

"29, 6, 79, 26," I said slowly.

Jooheon fiddled with the lock for a bit before it clicked.

With a scream he pushed to door open and the timer stopped.

"Told you we were gonna make it!," He jumped up and down like a child and I chuckled.

We were greeted by an employee congratulating us for making it out on time and followed him back to the lockers to retrieve our stuff, Minhyuk and Jooheon practically skipping with their arms around each other's shoulders.

 

"So what did you need that magnet for?," Hyungwon asked as he closed his locker.

"I wasn't sure what the last element was but with the magnet I figured out it was iron and not silver," I responded.

"I don't get it," Minhyuk said.

"Once again, not surprising," I said as I rolled my eyes.

"Wooah, deja vu," Minhyuk exclaimed.

"No but seriously, how?," Wonho asked.

"Iron is magnetic?,” I answered with a shrug, “Do you guys even pay attention at school?,"

"Hey! Don't put me in a group with those guys," Jooheon yelled as he motioned towards Minhyuk and Hyungwon and I swore I could hear Hyunwoo muttering something along the lines of 'my grades are fine'.

"I was just kidding Joo, relax," I responded with a chuckle, “But you guys shou-," 

I didn't get to finish my sentence as my phone started ringing. 

It took some time to dig it out of my pocket so I picked up without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?," 

_"Hyung, where are you?,"_ I heard Changkyun ask.

"Kyungie, I'm with the guys. Why?," I was confused. I thought that he knew I wouldn't be home. I had even sent him a text earlier this evening.

 _"He's home,"_ he whispered through the phone.

And I froze. For a few hours I had forgotten about everything, not fearing the consequences, but it all came back.

"Ki?," Hyunwoo looked at me with his eyebrow raised.

_F*ck f*ck f*ck!_

I shot him a little smile before turning around and taking a few steps away from the group.

"Kyungie, where are you? Are you okay?," I franticly whispered into the phone.

"I'm fine. I got home before he did," He responded, "But dad is furious and he was yelling at me,"

And that prompted me to move. I told Changkyun to go upstairs and that I would be home in an hour before hanging up.

"Is everything okay?," Wonho asked as I hastily threw on my jacket.

"Yeah, just got to get home," I responded, not looking into their eyes.

I moved as fast as I could to gather all my stuff. I didn't want Changkyun to be alone with father. If something were to happen I would never forgive myself.

"So soon? It's not even twelve yet, plus it's a Friday...?," Jooheon said.

As much I would love to stay, I had to go. I was probably making a big deal out of things but I knew my mind wouldn't stop racing until I was sure nothing was wrong.

"Sucks to be you dude. Who knew you had a freaking curfew," Hyungwon giggled.

I just nodded and checked to see if I had gotten everything from the locker.

"Is it because of that fight with your dad?," Hyunwoo suddenly asked.

Shocked by the sudden question, I halted all movement and glared at him.

It wasn't okay for him to bring up this new knowledge, which he had obtained against my will, in front of everyone.

"Shut up," I spat at him.

A flash of hurt spread over Hyunwoo's face and normally it would make me feel bad but I was angry at him for bringing it up and the anxiousness building up inside me wasn't really helping either.

"What?!," Minhyuk screeched and I flinched at the high pitched sound.

"What fight?," Hyungwon now joined in.

"Nothing. Just drop it," I said quickly before turning towards the door, only to get blocked by Hyunwoo.

_I have no time for this_

"Move," I hissed.

"I'm sorry for bringing it up," he said while running hand through his hair, clearly having picked up on my distress.

"What fight Ki?! How come only Hyunwoo seems to know?," Wonho interrupted.

I let out a frustrated groan and tried to gently push Hyunwoo out of my way. However, he didn't budge and I was seriously getting angry now.

"Hyung, f*cking Move!," I tried again.

This time it seemed to work; he took a step to the side and I slid past him.

I didn't bother to look back as I dashed out the door, ignoring my friends yelling at me.

 

۞۞۞

 

To my utter surprise, the weekend had been fairly peaceful.

Before I had gotten home on Friday night Changkyun had sent me a text that father was in his study, allowing me to slip upstairs unnoticed when I got home. He had been gone most of the weekend. It was something that was becoming more and more normal, and I wasn't complaining. However, the fact that the past few weeks he would always return home drunk was a development that I didn't like to see.

Monday morning rolled around and I struggled to get out of bed. Physically it was no problem; it was my mind that screamed at me to just stay curled up underneath my blankets.

My ankle and elbow had healed so my focus wasn't on that anymore. It gave me time to think and I didn't like that. Thinking sometimes really hurt.

My alarm rung again and I knew I had to get out of bed immediately if I wanted to make it to school on time. With that in the back of my mind I dragged myself out of bed. I mindlessly threw on some clothes, not bothered to see if it even matched, before moving to the bathroom.

I looked up in the mirror and stared at my own reflection. I was tired and I could see it in my eyes. The bruises on my face were almost gone but still there. I hated looking in the mirror because I would never see only... me. 

I tore my eyes away and reached for the foundation, smearing it all across my face. After I was done I checked to see if I had covered everything before returning to my room. I checked my phone and saw that I was still on schedule but I didn't have any minute to spare. Hastily, I threw my books in my bag and made my way downstairs. 

When I entered to kitchen I saw Changkyun shoving down his breakfast. I raised a brow as I observed the sight. 

_Why the rush?_

Right at that moment he noticed me and whipped his head around, giving me a look that I couldn't quite decipher.

"Good morni-," I wasn't able to finish as Changkyun loudly shushed me but apparently it was too late.

"Kihyun!," I heard father yelling and my body jolted. It seemed he was in the living room and he wasn't supposed to be there. He was supposed to be at work already.

"What's he doing here?," I asked Changkyun, voice strained by the sudden anxiety.

"Dunno," Changkyun whispered back, still with a mouth full of food.

Now I got why he was in such a hurry.

"I know you're in the kitchen! Get your ass over here!," He yelled even louder.

For a second I thought about going back upstairs but I realised it would only make things worse. And even though it was scary, I just didn't have the energy to go against father.

Without looking at Changkyun I turned around and walked into the living room, stopping with a couple of meters between me and my father. A buffer, if you will.

He was sitting on the couch with a newspaper in his hands. I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat before speaking up.

"Good morning," I said, voice more quiet than I had intended. 

Father closed the newspaper and got up from the couch with a heavy sigh. I fisted the fabric of my jeans and reminded myself to take steady breaths as I could feel myself shrink.

"Where were you last Friday evening?," He asked as he turned around to meet my eyes before making his way over to where I was standing.

He sounded oddly calm and it threw me off. I was used to getting yelled at and this was unsettling.

And I didn't know if it would be better to lie or to tell the truth. It was truly choosing between two evils.

"I was with the guys," I replied as I looked down.

As soon as the words had left my mouth a hand landed on my cheek.

I had feared this would happen.

"Without my permission?!," He bellowed in my face.

_I'm tired_

_I'm really tired._

"Sorry," I quietly responded, still looking down.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!," Father yelled, followed by another slap on my other cheek. I had to bite back the tears that welled up in my eyes. I had woken up already feeling horrible and father wasn't helping. 

_I hate today_

Suddenly Changkyun appeared next to me before things escalated.

"We've got to go to school now dad, otherwise we'll be late," He said as he slowly started dragging me to the door with him.

Father just glared at me until we were out the door.

The whole way to school we didn't speak. I let the tears fall silently and if Changkyun had noticed, he was kind enough not to mention it.

By the time we got to school we were late.

"See you later hyung," Changkyun said as he shot me an apologetic smile before running off.

I took my time to get to class. I was already late anyway and I just didn't feel like going in general. Before opening the door I rubbed my eyes, hoping that there was no evidence left of me crying earlier. I prayed for my foundation not to give up on me as I knocked and slowly opened the door. I ignored the looks of the other students when I stepped into the classroom.

"Nice of you to show up Mr. Yoo," The teacher said teasingly, “You’re lucky you have such a clean record otherwise I would have given you detention,"

I muttered a little 'sorry' followed by a 'thank you' before making my way to my desk and sitting down.

For the rest of the class I tried to focus but failed horribly. The teacher was going on and on about cell-structures even though we had already learned about that in our first year.

What I did manage to do was ignoring my friends seated a few rows behind me. Biology was the only class we shared which was fun, but today it wasn't.

I could feel them staring at me the whole hour and I couldn't blame them. I still had to patch thing up with them because of what had happened last Friday and I knew they also wondered why I had been late. I always made sure to be at school early, most of the times being one of the first students to arrive. The last time I was late was last year and that had been because the road to school had suddenly been closed off because of construction work.

As soon as the ball rang I flew up and dashed out of class. I didn't know how to apologize so I cowardly ran away. Running away, aka evasion. Avoiding confrontation. A coping mechanism. It was what I excelled in.

My next class was history which none of the guys had. The teacher was telling us something about the French revolution but I wasn't really listening; I was busy with coming up with a story to tell the guys later. 

The next class went by and I had successfully ignored Hyungwon and Jooheon in geography, but only until the bell rung.

I didn't even have the chance to pack my stuff before they appeared next to my table.

"Let's go get lunch," Hyungwon said.

I simply nodded, secretly dreading what was to come, as I heaved my bag over my shoulder. I did not miss Jooheon glancing at Hyungwon before we walked out of the classroom. The meaning, however, was a mystery to me.

Our way to cafeteria was silent and it sent my mind into overdrive. Once again I became hyper-aware of everything around me. It was as if all sounds were suddenly louder than they were supposed to be and the light coming in through the windows was too bright for my eyes.

I tried to ignore it all and settled on focussing on the two walking in front of me. All too soon we arrived at the cafeteria and I could see that the other were already seated at our spot. 

No one said a thing as we sat down. They just looked at me and I felt like I was getting crushed by the weight. It made me fidgety and it was only after Hyunwoo lay his hand on my thigh that I noticed that I was bouncing my leg.

"So...," Wonho eventually spoke up.

I looked back down, trying to avoid looking at my friends. My mind was speeding up and to prevent a full-blown panic attack I focussed on Hyunwoo's hand on my thigh.

"Talk to us Ki," Hyunwoo said as he leaned a bit closer.

I didn't know what to do. There were so many things I had to lie about and I didn't know how I was going to pull it off. 

"You look tired," Wonho suddenly remarked.

And there was my way out.

I cleared my throat before speaking up.

"I haven't really been sleeping well lately," I managed to reply, “With all the exams and stuff... you know?," 

I was proud that I was able to keep my voice steady but disappointed that I was lying again.

I looked around the table to gauge their reactions. Hyungwon looked like he didn't really believe me and so did Hyunwoo. The rest, however, seemed to buy it for now.

"It is stressful, but it's not good to lose sleep over it," Jooheon pointed out.

"My mom has trouble sleeping too you know? Maybe you can try those pills you can buy at the supermarket? My mom uses those and it really helps her," Wonho joined. 

I hummed and gave Wonho a thanks for the suggestion. I felt relieved at the thought that the conversation had come to an end before Minhyuk spoke up.

"What about this fight with your dad?," He looked at me with curiosity.

And I felt my body stiffen at the question. I did not want to talk about father right now. Or ever for that matter.

Hyunwoo gave my thigh a little squeeze and looked at me with concern. It was a mystery how he seemed to be able to pick up on my anxiety all the time. I thought I was pretty good at hiding it but for some reason I couldn't fool Hyunwoo.

I felt tired of lying and I didn’t want to add to the clenching feeling in my chest so I decided I was just going to speak my mind for now.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said and I looked back down.

"That's not an answer," Minhyuk deadpanned.

I knew damn well that it wasn't an answer and the statement ticked me off.

"That's the answer you're going to get," I replied, this time looking up.

"What the hell Kihyun?," Minhyuk said, “Why are you being so defensive? We are your friends, you can talk to us,"

"I'm not being defensive," I retorted.

"Yes you are Ki," Hyunwoo piped in next to me.

I whipped my head around to look at him and saw he was almost glaring at me again.

"I'm not," I gritted out.

I was getting cornered once again and that made the adrenaline start pumping.

"Whatever floats your boat," Hyungwon muttered.

Fortunately the subject was dropped when the bell rung. I got up from my seat and without saying goodbye to my friends I bolted out the cafeteria.

The rest of the day I didn't see them. I felt relieved and sad at the same time. It was starting to dawn on me that I couldn't keep this up for long. Not with father and not with my friends.

As soon as I got home, I went to bed. I was just so, so tired and I wanted this day to be over. Father wouldn't be home until late in the evening so I didn't have to deal with him until tomorrow which was a comforting thought.


	12. Chapter 12

Unlike I had hoped, I woke up the next morning still feeling pretty shitty. The way my alarm blared struck a nerve and I had to prevent myself from throwing it out the window.

Luckily, Changkyun was being a ray of sunshine as per usual which did make me feel better as we walked to school.

"So we're totally gonna rock this!," He squealed.

"I'm glad you and Bambam feel good about it," I replied with a small chuckle.

"It's gonna be awesome! We even added a quiz at the end of our presentation, with prizes and everything," He said.

The way he was flapping about was comical. I'm pretty sure that the people who passed us on the street thought he was crazy but that only added to the fun.

Today was the day that Changkyun and Bambam had to present their science project and the younger could not stop talking about it.

It was adorable and concerning at the same time. Like, who in their right mind looks forward to do a presentation?

It was a mystery to me.

We split ways at school and I wished him good luck before getting to class. 

The rest of the day went by without much happening. There was still some awkward tension when I sat down with the guys at lunch but no one commented on it. I tried to keep myself in the background; I didn't really want to remind them that I was there and available to question again so I kept silent throughout lunch.

It was the next day, however, that I wasn't so lucky.

I was peacefully eating my lunch when Hyunwoo hesitantly spoke up.

"How are things going with your dad?," He asked without looking away from his food.

The food in my mouth immediately turned sour and I struggled to swallow it down as my stomach churned.

"Don't," I retorted.

"Here we go again," I heard Jooheon sigh.

"I'm just concerned Ki. I don't get why you get so worked up about it. Is it that bad?," Hyunwoo asked as he turned to face me.

He sounded worried but the mild irritation in his voice stood out to me the most.

"Stop asking," I gritted out.

I could feel my heart speeding up and it felt like the temperature in the room was climbing.

"Listen hyung," Hyungwon suddenly spat out," I'm sick and tired of this god damn attitude of yours! What the hell is your problem?!,"

And that struck a nerve.

"My problem is that you guys keep f*cking breathing down my neck!," I yelled at him.

"Jesus Kihyun! We're just worried!," Minhyuk joined in, his eyes shooting daggers at me.

"Take your worry and f*ck off!," I knew I had gone too far but at the moment I couldn't bring myself to feel bad about it. By now I felt like I was on fire and the air was too dense.

The shocked look on their faces didn't do anything to calm me down. 

"That's not cool Ki. We're your friends, we just want to help out," Wonho interrupted. I could see that he was getting angry but he suppressed it.

"Mind your own business!," I hissed loudly.

"You are our business! Stop being such a d*ck!," Minhyuk yelled, standing up from the table.

"Can you please shut the f*ck up for once?! Why are you always so god damn loud?!," I replied.

"Kihyun!," Hyungwon piped in. He was clearly seething at this point but I couldn't find it in me to feel guilty for it.

Hyunwoo's hand found it's way to my thigh again but this time it wasn't comforting.

"Don't f*cking touch me!," I yelled in his face as I slapped his hand away.

I was still angry at him for bringing it up all the time and we long passed the point where I could be calmed down by a mere touch.

"Yoo Kihyun, you are a horrible person!," Hyungwon screamed at me, "You should be thankful we still keep you around!,"

And with that, the blood in my veins ran cold.

The anger I had felt disappeared and got replaced by a weird feeling in my chest. Something inside me cracked.

Suddenly I felt the need to get away so I slowly got up, ignoring whatever words were thrown at me.

My vision was getting a bit blurry but I ignored it. A hand grabbed my wrist as I turned to leave and I whipped my head around only to be met with Hyunwoo glaring at me. He looked so angry and that got confirmed by the tight grip on my wrist.

His mouth was moving but I could not hear what he was saying. The world around me had gone silent.

My mind kept telling me to run so I tried to pry Hyunwoo's fingers from my wrist. I knew I stood no chance but I tried anyways. By now I could barely see clearly as tears escaped my eyes.

He didn't let go and with everything I had left I managed to find my voice.

"Let go," I whispered as I kept trying to get him to let go.

My other wrist got grabbed as well and I had to use everything in me not to break down right there.

''P-Please, let go,'' I stuttered.

Surprisingly, Hyunwoo listened. The anger was gone. He now looked very much concerned.

But I did not want to stick around. The weird feeling in my chest was growing more and more uncomfortable by the second. I did not look up at the guys as I grabbed my bag and turned to leave.

And then I ran. Literally and figuratively.

I had never skipped school before, today was going to be the first day but at the moment I really didn't care.

As soon as I left the school grounds I stopped running. 

I was halfway home when I realised I was crying. However, I did not bother to do something about it.

It was as if one of the last bits that kept me together had grumbled down into pieces and I left me feeling incredibly lonely.

When I arrived home I curled up on my bed immediately. 

_You were right._

_They don't like you._

_They hate you._

"I would hate me too," I whispered to myself.

I lay like that for hours. My face was itchy as a result of the salty liquid continuously flowing down my cheeks and I was exhausted. The sun was starting to set but I couldn't get up.

It was as if a hole had formed in my chest and it was a bit difficult to breath.

My eyelids were getting heavy and I yawned. 

Maybe father was right.

Maybe I really was.

I pushed the thought away as I told myself that I was useful to Changkyun. As long as I had him and he had me it was fine, right?

 

I did not go to school the next day. I didn't want to and for once I decided to do whatever the hell I wanted to do. I knew that father wouldn't be happy about it, but that didn't matter at the moment.

Changkyun had come into my room in the morning, noticing something wasn't right. He didn't push or pry when I told him was staying in bed and I was grateful for that. He had left me alone after making me promise I would eat breakfast. In the end I didn't, but he didn't need to know that.

I had slept most of the day away, only waking up when Changkyun got back home from school and peeked Into my room.

I pretended to be asleep and he was gone again before I knew it.

The next morning I knew I just had to go to school. It was Thursday and that meant that father would work from home, leaving me no option but to drag myself out of bed.

Fortunately, Father hadn't found out about me skipping school for a big part on Tuesday and the whole day yesterday. I knew it was gonna bite me in the ass sometime soon but the later the better.

The whole walk to school Changkyun kept trying to cheer me up, but his efforts were futile.

"I'm sorry Kyungie," I said as he gave me a sad pout.

"I don't like seeing you sad hyung," He responded.

"I know Kyungie. I don't like seeing you sad either," I sighed as I kept my eyes on the pavement.

"You wanna tell me what's wrong?," Changkyun tried.

"Not really. Maybe another time okay?," I responded, tugging the sleeves of my oversized hoodie past my hands.

He replied with a little hum before throwing his arm around my shoulder. We stayed like that for the rest of our walk and I felt myself relax a little.

"Thanks Kyungie," I whispered.

"No problem. That's what brothers are for right?," 

And maybe it made me feel a little better.

It would be okay to rely on my little brother a bit right?

 

Seeing the guys at maths almost made me cry on the spot.

_I'm not ready for this._

They did not look up as I walked past them to get to my desk and it slightly hurt. However, it was nothing compared to Wonho's utter lack of response when I sat down next to him. He didn't look up from his phone as he was busy typing something.

Not that I had expected them to be happy to see me or anything but it still made my heart drop to my stomach when the bell rung and they left class together, arms swung around each other. Hyunwoo was the only one who glanced back, but he quickly looked away when our eyes met. And the hole in my chest got a little bigger.

It was the first time that I didn't know where to go during lunch and I though about going home again but I knew that wasn't really an option. So a few minutes later I found myself on the rooftop of the building, eating lunch alone.

The view was nice. It was a sunny day with no clouds which made the skyline seem endless.

I didn't manage to finish my lunch. It was like a brick in my stomach so I dumped it on my way to class.

The hour went by much like the one before, only this time it was just me because it was history. Surprisingly I enjoyed class more than I thought I would. It seemed that the teacher was in a great mood today and at the moment he was standing on his desk while doing and impersonation of Stalin to animate what he was telling us about.

I actually laughed when he struggled a bit to climb down from his desk once he was done. 

Our history teacher was weird. One day he would be happiness itself and the other he could scold us for just entering class while talking. Some students complained about his mood swings but It kept things interesting so I didn't mind.

The only time I had was when he suddenly burst during class and had thrown a chair across the room. It hadn't hit anyone and he had calmed down right after, but it had scared me and I had to keep myself from crying. However, I still liked the man.

Before I knew it the bell rung. I reluctantly got up from my seat as I remembered I had gym class which meant that avoiding Hyunwoo was impossible.

Once again I considered leaving, but shot that thought down just as quick as it came.

And ten minutes later I found myself in the gym in my sweats and t-shirt, desperately avoiding accidental eye-contact with Hyunwoo. Apparently it was mutual, seeing as how he had looked away as soon as he saw me.

The teacher announced that we were going to play soccer and I inwardly groaned. I hated soccer. I was decent at it but some people just got so aggressive while playing that it didn't feel like just a game of soccer but more like a world cup game.

Hyunwoo and I were on different teams and I still and to figure out if that was a good thing or not.

Turned out it wasn't. At some point during the game I had spaced out. Being on defence with a team that had outstanding offenders wasn't really helping.

I hadn't noticed that the opposing team had gotten hold of the ball. It was only after I heard someone yelling that I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Watch out!," 

I quickly whipped my head around to locate the source of the sound. A ball came flying to my face and I had no time to evade.

It struck me in my face and I let out a pained yelp as the force almost knocked me over.

"F*ck!," I hissed as I my hands flew up to gold my nose.

"Sh*t! Sorry Ki," I heard Hyunwoo say.

I looked back up and saw him standing a few meters away from me with a shocked look on his face.

Of course it was him.

I had forgotten how disastrous it was to play sports with Hyunwoo.

"Dude your nose," I heard someone say.

I moved my hands away and looked down on my fingers. They were stained red and I suddenly felt something warm tickle down my lips.

_Great_

Luckily one of my teammates came rushing towards me with a bunch of tissues in his hand.

"Thanks," I said as I pressed a tissue under my nose.

"Throw your head back a little. It will stop the bleeding quicker," He said as he handed me another tissue before wiping the blood that had gotten on my cheek away.

After a little while my nose stopped bleeding and I moved my head down again, waiting a few seconds just to be sure before removing the tissue.

I wiped my face a bit more to remove the last bits of blood.

"Dude, did you get into a fight or something?," The guy suddenly asked, a little amused.

I raised my brow at the question. I didn't get what he was talking about and was about to ask him to clarify when he pointed at my cheek.

"That bruise looks painful. How did that happen?," He asked.

And then it clicked. I looked down at the tissue in my hand and I saw foundation smudged around flecks of blood.

My head shot up and for some reason I immediately looked at Hyunwoo. He looked a little shocked and it made me panic.

"Nah man, just walked into an open cupboard," I responded, adding a little laugh at the end.

He just laughed with me and asked if I really was okay to with I assured him I was.

I didn't dare to look at Hyunwoo, afraid of what I'd see. I knew that he knew that I was lying. Lately he always seemed to know, even though he never said anything about it.

The teacher dismissed me, saying that it would be unwise to continue so I was free to go. I looked over at Hyunwoo one last time before speed-walking out the door.

Once I was changed back into my hoodie the rest of the guys came piling into the dressing room. I took it as a signal to hurry the f*ck up. I didn't want to bump into Hyunwoo.

I tried to cover my face with the hood of my sweater as much as possible and stalked towards the door. I had almost reached it when a grip on my arm made me halt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storytime:
> 
> My history teacher in highschool really was like that. The guy was in his sixties and bat-shit-crazy sometimes, actually climbing on his desk whenever he felt like it.  
> The chair thing really happened and I really did almost cry because the whole situation was just very stressful, the mood just incredibly tense. Some guys and girls were legit teary-eyed. It was crazy.  
> But he was dope.
> 
> And talking about nose-bleeds... I once had this terrible one during my English class. Every time I thought it was over it would start again after like a minute. I just kept walking back and forth from the classroom to the toilet. At some point I really thought I was going to pass out because it just didn't stop and I almost clogged the toilet with blood-soaked toilet paper. I never thought I would be desperate enough to sit on the floor in the toilet but shit happens I guess. After half an hour or so I was fine so now I can laugh about it.


	13. Chapter 13

I didn't have to turn around to know who it was. So I didn't. Turn around that was.

"Ki, I'm sorry. Is your nose okay?," I heard Hyunwoo ask.

I didn't trust myself to speak as the sudden attention made me choke up, so I just nodded. Then I got turned around and came face to face with Hyunwoo. I didn't have the energy to protest, so I didn't when he pushed the hood from my head. I let out a sigh and closed my eyes, already anticipating the bombardment of questions. They never came.

Suddenly warm fingertips softly traced the bruise on my cheek. 

I opened my eyes in surprise and saw Hyunwoo staring at my face and I would be lying if I said that it didn't make my heart skip a beat. I came to the realisation that I had missed this. Hyunwoo's little touches were comforting and I felt myself relax. I let out another sigh and closed my eyes again.

_"Don't f*cking touch me!,"_

And a wave of guilt hit me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice cracking at the end.

As if the spell was broken, Hyunwoo quickly retreated his hands before clearing his throat.

"It's okay," He replied.

I winced at the sound of his voice. For some reason it sounded cold, as if he had said it because he felt obliged to and not because it really was okay. I opened my eyes again and Hyunwoo gave me a little smile before he turned around and walked away.

It was clear I had hurt him more than I had thought and I mentally slapped myself.

I was completely done with today but I had to sit through one more class before I could go home.

It went about the same as the others, only this time Hyunwoo would look at me every now and then. He still looked away when our eyes met, but not as quickly as before.

It still hurt, but I took what I could get.

 

Friday was just a rinse and repeat of the day before. The guys had ignored me and vice versa, I had eaten lunch on the rooftop and I had walked back home exhausted after only four classes.

I was in the kitchen, cooking, when Changkyun came back home. With father being gone on the weekends had come the tradition of eating our dinner on the couch while watching a movie.

It was nice and spending time with Changkyun made me feel relaxed. It was as if there was nothing wrong. 

It was only in bed that night that I had noticed that the guys had stopped using the group chat and for a second I thought that maybe they had made a new one. I felt a bit bitter about that but I knew it was my own fault.

Changkyun, with his sixth sense, had crept under the blankets beside me and it made me feel a little bit less lonely. 

It was Saturday evening and I was bent over my history books. I knew we had a test next week and I hadn't really summarised everything we needed to know.

I decided that I didn't really care about the industrial revolution in Europe but I tried my best to read through it all.

Suddenly I thought I heard the front door open and close. I listened intently but there were no more sounds so I played it off as my mind playing tricks on me.

I turned my attention back to my book when I heard footsteps on the stairs. This time I was sure about what I had heard and I decided to go investigate. Changkyun had gone over to Yugyeoms place and he had said he would sleep over but I thought that maybe he had changed his mind.

I got up from my desk and walked towards the door. Just as I was about the open it, it got thrown open. I didn't have enough time to step away so it connected to my forehead.

"F*ck!," I exclaimed, taking a step back. I was truly unlucky this week, getting injured by inanimate objects way too much for my liking.

I looked up to see who the f*ck was being so rude. And of course, it was my father.

He was seething, his red face gave it away and I instinctively took another step back.

"Guess who got a call from school today?," He asked, taking a step towards me.

My heart dropped and I backed up a bit more.

"So you're skipping school now?!," He took another step towards me and it was terrifying.

I had not even considered him getting home before tomorrow evening, let alone school calling parents on a Saturday.

My back hit my desk and I knew I was screwed.

Father didn't say anything as he stalked towards me. Once he was as close as he was gonna get, the smell alcohol hit my nose. I leaned backwards to avoid the stench but it was not appreciated.

A hand gripped my hair and with a violent tug I landed on my back on the ground. Before I could even attempt to get up, my father was on top of me.

"I work my ass off to earn money for you to go to school and you dare to skip?!," He spat in my face, gripping my hair once again.

"Sor-,"

My head got lifted by my hair before it got smacked back into the ground. I sucked in a breath as pain shot through my head.

"Shut your mouth! I don't want your stupid excuses!," He yelled before slamming my head into the floor again. I let out a pained scream and my vision got a bit blurry.

"L-let go!," I croaked out, “It hurts,"

He didn't listen.

He just repeated the same thing two more times before he let go of my hair and got off of me, letting out a deep sigh.

My head hurt so bad and I wouldn't be surprised if had a concussion.

This was bad.

This was really bad.

It was now or never.

As quickly as possible I got to my feet, ignoring the pain and almost crashing back down when my vision swam in front of me and nausea hit me. I didn't let it stop me though as I pushed my body forward.

A push on my back and I collided with the door. I turned around and suddenly there was a hand around my neck.

Blind panic took over and as I sobbed, I tried to pry the fingers off of my neck.

"P-please please ple-,"

The pressure on my neck increased and barely managed to breath.

"You are just like your mother! She never listened to me!," He screamed in my face, adding even more pressure on my neck.

Now I was really panicking. 

I was convinced he was going to kill me.

With all the power left in my body I tried to push him away. I kicked and punched and yelled but nothing worked.

I was getting dizzy. I didn't know if it was because of my head or the lack of oxygen, but that wasn't the point.

"You're even starting to look more and more like her!,"

He suddenly let go of my neck and I coughed loudly as my airways suddenly got flooded with oxygen. Once I stopped coughing I quickly turned around and threw the door open.

I didn't know where I was going, but right now I was focused on getting away.

I didn't get far. I was just about to rush down the stairs when a pair of hands came from behind me and landed on my shoulders. 

"B*tch," Father whispered. Then he pushed and I was crashing down the stairs.

And as if the world wasn't spinning before, it now sure was. My ribs hurt, my legs hurt, my arms hurt, everything hurt.

I tried to prevent myself from crashing into the ground face-first by stretching out my arms as I reached the bottom.

However, I miscalculated and landed with all my weight on my right wrist.

A sickening crack could be heard as I came to a stop and I screamed as a pain like I had never felt before emanated from my wrist and shot through my whole body.

I was shaking even though I was burning inside. I was terrified and for a second I saw my life flash before my eyes.

Father walked down the stairs and only spared me a glance as he walked passed me.

"I guess you learned your lesson," He hissed before walking away. 

I vaguely heard the front door slam and it was silent around me again.

With no one to hear me, I let myself go and cried loudly.

I was scared and there was no one to help.

And I suddenly really missed my friends.

Everything hurt. Everything.

I didn't even attempt to get up. I was drained and I was done with everything.

After crying for what felt like hours, my eyelids became heavy and then darkness took over.

 

When I opened my eyes I was met by daylight coming through the windows. For a second I was confused about where I was.

I hissed as a sharp pain shot through my head before it dulled. I moved to sit up, only to cry out in pain as I moved my hand.

I fell back and screwed my eyes shut, taking steady breaths as pain surged through my wrist. 

When the pain had somewhat subsided I opened my eyes again and I looked at my wrist.

The piece of bone on the left side of my wrist, which wasn’t supposed to stick out, could be seen. The area around it was all different kinds of colours, ranging from red to dark purple and to my horror I figured It was broken.

I just stayed on the ground for minutes as I stared into nothingness.

I knew I had to get up at some point but It felt like my body was glued to the floor.

I was shivering but I didn't feel particularly cold and I wondered what that was about.

_Come on Kihyun!_

Repeating the same chant over and over I managed to push myself up, making sure to avoid my wrist. Moving It still hurt like a motherf*cker but way less than actually using it.

After a few attempts I was standing. It made me nauseous and I did my best to push back the bile.

Something wet landed on my hand and I realised I was crying again.

_Pathetic_

I didn't even bother to make an attempt for the stairs and made my way to the phone instead. I knew Changkyun's number by heart so I could just use our landline.

To my luck, my body seemed to listen better the more I moved. It was exhausting, yes, but It got... easier?

I was only a few steps away from the phone when a wave of dizziness hit me and I slid back on the floor. Black spots filled my vision and I thought I was going to pass out.

Fortunately I came to my senses asfter a few minutes. I figured that getting up wasn't a good idea so I crawled my way to the phone. With just one arm available it was incredibly tiring, but I managed.

I steadied my breathing before dialing Changkyun's number. It rung a couple of times before he picked up.

"Hello?," I heard him speaking.

Another wave of tears hit me when I heard his voice. It hurt. It hurt to hear his voice.

"Kyung," I croaked out in between sobs.

 _"Hyung?! What's going on?,"_ He franticly asked.

My throat closed up on me and I found myself starting to breathe a little bit faster.

"I...it's...," I struggled to find the words. 

_"...was it dad?,"_ Changkyun asked.

Bingo.

"H-help," Was the only thing that I could push passed my lips.

 _"I'm on my way. Stay where you are,"_ he said and hung up.

I let the phone slid to the ground as my arms suddenly got very heavy. 

_I'm going to be ok_

_It's okay_

I repeated the words in my head over and over, trying to ground myself. Another sharp pain shot through my wrist and I instinctively curled up.

I had never felt so terrible. But then again, father had never been that aggressive. It had come to a point that I had hoped we would never reach.

After waiting for what felt like hours I heard the front door open, followed by footsteps. Changkyun came rushing around the corner and his eyes landed on me.

"Oh my god hyung!," He screeched as he moved to crouch next to me.

I didn't say anything. I just cried as Changkyun gently held me.

"Can you stand up darling?," A voice to my left suddenly asked and I flinched.

I glanced towards my left saw a middle-aged woman standing there. There was a guy around Changkyun's age standing next to her, visibly shocked.

_Yugyeom?_

I figured the woman was Yugyeom's mother as she moved over towards me. I could see the similarities. 

"Sorry, I just wanted to get here as fast as possible and they gave me a ride," Changkyun whispered in my ear,"I didn't tell them anything,"

At this point I didn't care. I just needed help.

"I think so," I answered, moving out of Changkyun's arms.

With some help from Changkyun and Yugyeom I got on my feet. Another wave of dizziness hit and I clung to Changkyun.

"We need to get him to a hospital," Yugyeoms mother stated.

The thought alone made me anxious. They would ask questions and it would take a lot of effort to evade them. 

"Okay, just hold on to me okay with both hands okay?," Changkyun said.

"Can't," I whispered.

"What?," 

"I can't," and with that I pointed to my wrist.

Changkyun's eyes widened and I could feel him shaking a little.

Yugyeoms mother moved closer and inspected my wrist, stating that it was probably broken.

"Hyung, what happened?," Changkyun asked as he and Yugyeom helped me out of the house.

"Fell down the stairs," I replied, hoping that he got the hint and that the others present would buy it.

Changkyun's grip on my waist tightened and I knew he understood.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, no death-threats so far.... which is good.
> 
> I'm currently wrapping up writing the story but it's a slow-going process which is why I'm being more careful with the updates (I knew that updating a couple a chapters at a time would come back to bite me in the ass one way or another...) I don't want to update almost everything I have written only to make you guys, like, wait for two or so weeks for the last chapter.
> 
> After this is complete I will start uploading another story I've been writing (Actually started waaaaaay before writing this one, I think October 2018? Fun Fact: I wrote ''The Skeleton In The Closet'' while I was taking a break from that story) Anyway, that fic is on a whole different level from this one and way more f*cked up (Kidnapping, non-con, death... The whole shebang), but the explanation for that will have to wait for when the time comes. Just know it's a Stray Kids fic, Jisung-centred. 
> 
> There is another story (Fantasy/medieval) I started up but have only written like, 2k words but that will be the project after this and the SKZ fic. There is another one (Travel/Attempted fluff) I started while I was on a road-trip through Marocco a few weeks back because I had to do something while driving for hours through sandy wastelands xp And I have some drabbles I want to work out.
> 
> To sum it up, I have been writing a sh*tload of stories at the same time 'cause I'm someone who needs a lot of change xD
> 
> This monologue turned out to be longer than I had intended....  
> I'm out

"And when you shower you have to make sure to keep the water away from your wrist," The doctor spoke as he typed away at his computer.

Around my wrist was now a cast. It wasn't that big but it took up most of my hand and forearm, making it seem much worse than it was.

"As for the mild concussion," The doctor spoke up as he looked away from his computer and turned towards Changkyun.

"You'll have to make sure he stays awake for at least the next five hours," He said, “If he starts slurring his speech or doesn't respond to you you'll have to come back immediately,"

We had been stuck in the hospital for hours now. The smell of disinfectant was pungent and it clung to my body. I had lost count of the bandages on my body. Bruises and cuts decorated my arms, legs and face. The only thing I seemed to remember vividly was being dragged around the hospital to see different doctors and people touching me all over.

The throbbing in my head was gone but I was hazy. Probably a side effect from the pills a nurse had given me.

"Will do," Changkyun said.

The doctor turned to me and gave me a stern look.

"You were lucky young man. You mostly sustained minor injuries and It could have ended much worse," He spoke.

I simply nodded before pushing myself out of the chair. Changkyun was next to me in an instant.

We were free to go but not without promising I'd take it easy for the next couple of days.

Much to my surprise, they had left me off the hook when I told them I had tripped and fallen off the stairs. I was happy about it but it was slightly concerning.

_So much for them being professionals right?_

The ride back home was better than I expected. Unlike the ride to the hospital, I didn't feel nauseous and it felt great.

I looked at the rain outside as I listened to the quiet conversation going on. It was mostly Yugyeom’s mother trying to convince Changkyun that we should go with them to their house but he declined. He knew I just wanted to go home. Well, not _home_ but my own bed.

"You still didn't get a hold of your dad?," I heard Yugyeom ask.

"Nope, but it's okay," Changkyun responded.

For a second I was afraid he really had tried to call father, but I dismissed it. 

I knew he wouldn't do that.

 

The rest of the day was a blur. I was so tired but Changkyun kept preventing me from sleeping by either poking or shaking me.

Father didn't come home until late at night but at that time we were already lying in bed in my room.

"I locked the door. Go to sleep," Changkyun whispered next to me.

But I couldn't help the way my heart sped up. I kept staring at the door, expecting it to get thrown open.

My father had never gone out of his way to get to me. He had never gone into my room while I was there but last night he had and my own bedroom felt a little more unsafe than before, even with the lock on it.

"Nothing is going to happen hyung, it's okay. We're okay," Changkyun said as he shifted a bit closer to me.

"I know Kyungie," I whispered back, feeling my body relax a bit when he started tracing circles on my hand.

 

I didn't go to school that week. Changkyun had called the school to tell them I had fallen down the stairs and needed to stay at home to recover. Being the crappy school that it was, they didn't even bother to ask to speak to my father.

For some reason it was okay for my own brother to call in sick for me. It was ridiculous, but convenient. 

Father had ignored us for most of the week, not so much as even looking at me.

It was on Thursday when I could move about the house without Changkyun's help. I still had to take the painkillers two times a day for that to be possible but that was okay. 

It was on Friday when I was able to shower on my own without Changkyun holding me up. 

It was on Saturday that father took off again without a word.

It was on Sunday when he returned home drunk again.

On Monday I felt fairly good and I had decided that I would try to go to school on Tuesday. 

 

So there I was in the bathroom. I had lend an oversized sweater from Changkyun in hopes it would hide the cast a bit. Changkyun was taller than me and his sweater was way too big for me. Even with the cast on I had room to spare when it came to the sleeves.

My face looked awful. A gross bruise ran from my cheekbone all the way down to the side of my jaw. My lip was split and there was a nasty cut running right through my eyebrow.

As much as I wanted to cover it up, the doctor had intently told me that I was, under no circumstances, allowed to put anything on my face. The only exception was a mild soap when washing up. He had kept going on and on about preventing any infections and to my dismay I had to agree with him.

Still, it made me nervous. I had been relying on that stupid foundation for so long now that I felt like all my secrets where exposed if I wouldn't use it.

I tore my gaze away from the mirror and glanced down to my phone. I knew I was going to be late again as the numbers showed it was already eight.

I looked up from my phone quickly when my eyes landed on my notifications.

Twenty-one missed calls and forty-five messages.

At the end of last week my phone had suddenly blown up with notifications but I had ignored them. I hadn't expected the guys to really care that I wasn't at school, but apparently they had. Or maybe they just felt obliged to call me instead out of worry.

I had figured that it was best if I stayed away from them. I knew I was a burden; they had already made it clear that I was annoying to be around and I didn't blame them.

_That's what you get for lying_

A soft knock on the door alerted me that it was time to go.

"Hyung, Yugyeom and his mom are here," He spoke through the door.

"Coming!," I yelled back.

Yugyeom's mom had called last weekend to ask how I was doing. After I had told her that I was probably going to school again some time the coming week she had insisted that she would drive me there.

I wanted to decline, but I knew I wasn't in any shape to walk all the way to school quite yet so I had gratefully accepted.

I made my way back to my room to fetch my bag and walked downstairs. For a split second I saw myself tumbling down again and a shiver ran through me.

Once in the living room, I was met by Yugyeom's mother smiling at me before wrapping me in a gentle hug.

"How are you sweetie?," She asked as she pulled away to inspect my face.

"Better. Thanks Mrs Kim," I responded.

Over the last couple of days I had found out that Mrs. Kim was an incredibly kind woman. She barely knew me but that didn’t stop her from seeing how I was doing, if I was eating healthy, if I needed help or if I needed more painkillers. It was a bit foreign but it was warm and I figured that Mrs. Kim was actually a parent. A parent that loved their son. A parent with warmth to spare for anyone who needed it.

She gave a satisfied nod before dragging us out of the house.

"Now hurry up boys, we don't want to be late," She almost roared as she opened the car.

"Mom! Chill out yo!," Yugyeom whined before getting in the passenger seat.

I had to contain a giggle when Mrs. Kim rolled her eyes at her son.

"They are always like this," Changkyun whispered as he slid in the seat next to me.

The way to school was filled with playful banter as Yugyeom and his mom kept bickering.

It was cute and endearing and maybe it made me a bit envious.

 

"It's gonna be fine Hyung. I'll only be a call away if you need me okay?," Changkyun said.

We were standing in front of my classroom, students rushing past us to get to class on time.

"You got my number as well right?," Yugyeom added.

"Thanks guys, but I'll be fine," I spoke and I gave them a little smile.

I knew I wasn't going to be fine by the way my lungs contracted, but they didn't need to know that.

"Ki?," I heard a voice behind me say.

_Why is biology my first class today..._

I turned around and saw the guys. As soon as I faced them I heard a collective gasp and they stopped in their tracks.

"What the hell happened to your face?!," Minhyuk yelled.

I flinched and looked back at Changkyun, ignoring the guys standing behind me.

_I can't do this_

"Just try Hyung, just one class okay?," Changkyun said softly as he handed me my bag, “I’ll find you at lunch to check-up on you,"

I simply nodded and muttered a little 'thank you' as he helped me slip my bag over my shoulder. Unfortunately for me I had broken my right wrist and I had to do everything with my left. It was more difficult than I had expected but Changkyun had been there to help me.

He gave me a quick hug before running off to his class, followed by Yugyeom.

"Why didn't you pick up our calls?," Jooheon added.

I reluctantly turned back around. I did not dare to look at them directly so I settled for the wall next to them. 

"I fell down the stairs," I said blankly.

_I'm tired_

"Oh my god," Minhyuk said.

"Are you okay?," Hyunwoo asked as he stepped closer.

"Just peachy," I responded, looking at Hyunwoo as he came to a stop right in front of me.

I felt oddly disconnected from everything around me which maybe was due to the fact that right about now the painkillers should have started kicking in.

His hands shot up to cup my face and he gently moved my head around to inspect my face.

The world around me seemed to fade and I could only focus on Hyunwoo's eyes which were darting around.

"What's that?," Hyungwon suddenly piped up and I looked away from Hyunwoo to see what he was pointing at. And of course the sleeve of my hoodie had ridden up as Changkyun had helped me with my bag, the cast on my wrist peeking out.

"Oh that, I broke my wrist," I replied as I held up my arm.

As if I had burned him, Hyunwoo pulled away from me and looked at my arm.

I took this as my chance and stepped inside the classroom, trying to dash to my desk.

I was going way too slow for my liking and soon Wonho appeared next to me, hand already prying off the bag that hung on my shoulder.

With my eyebrows raised, I let him take the bag from me. He shot me a smile and quietly sat down at our table, opening my bag and taking out whatever I needed.

Typical Wonho.

"Thanks," I said as I sat down.

"Anytime Kihyun," He responded as he put my bag down on the floor next to me.

The rest of the class we spent in a comfortable silence. I felt pretty useless being here. There was only so much you could learn from listening and unfortunately I had just so happen to find myself stuck in a class that required a lot of actual writing to get things done.

So I mostly looked at Wonho solving questions. He didn't seem to mind me staring so I didn't bother to look away whenever he would look up at me.

I had missed this. Being comfortable.

The last month had been one of the worst of my life. Just so much was happening and I realised I was never at ease.

When the bell rung, Wonho already had my bag on his table. He held it open for me as I stuffed my books back in.

With a bit of help from Wonho I shrugged my bag back on.

"You coming?," Wonho asked once he joined the guys at the door. They were staring at me and I felt anxious again, a voice in my head telling me to stay away from them.

"I... I'm going to find Changkyun," I responded, not looking at them.

That Wonho had tolerated me during class didn't mean that it was permanent or that it would carry over to the others. They had made it clear enough that they didn’t particularly liked me anyway. I was pretty sure they just pitied me.

"Oh, okay sure," He responded, sounding disappointed.

There was an awkward silence and once again I found my eyes wandering to Hyunwoo. 

He was looking the other way as if he was purposefully evading looking at me.

I felt a pang in my chest and the air felt a bit stuffy.

I didn't say anything to them as I tried to slip around them to walk out of the room, only to get blocked my Hyunwoo, again.

"This is getting old," I deadpanned as I looked up at him.

"You running away is getting old," Hyungwon stated from my left.

_Touché_

I let out a sigh and ran my hand through my hair.

"What is it?," I asked, my voice cracking at the end.

"Let's talk," Hyunwoo said.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello it me.  
> So I actually wanted to update yesterday but it turned out to be a pretty hectic day. I had to prepare for a party-evening (Any Europeans here? Then you'll know I'm talking about the Eurovision Songcontest ^^ Sorry not sorry for winning this year xp) and I had no time to upload before that. I wanted to upload after I had gotten home but that was at around 4 AM and I was pretty drunk so I deemed it impossible.
> 
> I'm treading dangerous waters now... I'm currently almost done with writing chapter 17 so you guys are almost caught up and I really have to finish writing AAaaahhhhh. But I'm still having fun so it's okay :)
> 
> I'll shut up now. My lasagne is in the oven and almost done and I want to get this out before it's done ^^  
> Edit: I didn't make it so now I'm doing the final edit with my lasagne next to me xD

A few minutes later I found myself in the cafeteria with five pairs of eyes looking at me.

"Sorry," Hyungwon suddenly said.

"Hmm?,"

"I'm sorry for the things I said. I didn't mean it," He elaborated.

I felt bad. Once again they were the first to apologize while it was entirely my fault.

"No it’s fine, I’m the one who should be sorry," I looked down at my cast and frowned.

_When did things get so f*cked up...?_

"It's not fine," Hyungwon sighed, ‘’I should not have yelled at you like that. Even though you maybe deserved it a little,’’

That was very much true. I really did deserve it.

"We're sorry Ki," Minhyuk joined.

There was another silence I got lost in thought.

"This is stupid," Jooheon said and he got up from the table and worked himself in between me and Hyunwoo. 

"Group hug," 

And with that I was suddenly surrounded by five bodies. It hurt a bit, but that was okay.

As they pulled away I couldn't contain my tears anymore. My heart clenched and I allowed myself to accept that I needed them and that maybe they needed me too. And just like that, my earlier resolution crumbled as the warmth flooded my body. So I just cried, not caring about other students staring.

Hyunwoo held my hand as Minhyuk moved to sit next to me.

"I'm really sorry Ki. I'm so sorry," He whispered as he pulled me in for another hug.

They put up with me for so long and it did make me feel sorry. I felt sorry for the outburst, sorry for keeping them in the dark but time and time again they were the ones to forgive me first. I realised I wouldn’t be anywhere without them. 

The words slipped past my mouth without me noticing.

"I love you guys," 

 

"Hyung, you're doing it wrong," Changkyun groaned as he paused the game.

"What? You told me to shoot the other people!," I retorted.

"The other people yeah, not your own team!," He almost yelled as he sunk into the couch even further.

It was Wednesday evening and Changkyun and I had the house to ourselves. Changkyun had decided that it was a great time to teach me a new game he had borrowed from Yugyeom.

I wasn't bad, but also not very good. Even I knew that.

"I didn't do it on purpose!," I replied.

"I don't think I'll ever play with you again," He stated.

"You try playing with a cast that limits you movement then!," I yelled as I threw a pillow at his head. A very impromptu pillow fight ensued, which lasted only a few seconds but it was enough to exhaust me already.

_Stupid body_

"I'm serious though. Not playing with you again," Changkyun giggled as he lay down flat on the floor.

I let out a snort and slid down on the floor next to him. A sudden pain shot through my head and I knew it was about time to take another painkiller.

"Your head hurting?," Changkyun asked.

"Yup," I answered as I got up and walked to the kitchen.

Changkyun followed suit and sat down on the counter.

"What do you wanna do for dinner?," He asked.

I got the strip of pills out of the cupboard and popped one out.

Only two left.

"Well, I was thinking of making kimchi stew?," I said before swallowing down the painkiller with some water.

"Do we even have any kimchi left?," He asked and raised a brow.

"Nope, but I need to get new painkillers anyways so I can stop by the store," 

Changkyun shot me a thumbs up. I was happy that he didn't try to stop me from going. I was getting a bit tired of being treated like some porcelain doll and Changkyun had fortunately picked up on it.

I gave him a little pat on the knee and got to the door, slipping my shoes on and grabbing my wallet from the table.

"I think I'll be back in ten minutes," I said, "Can you make sure to have some water boiling by then?,"

Changkyun appeared behind me and assured me he had it covered before closing the door behind me.

The trip to the store was a short one. There was a 7/11 right around the corner of our block so within five minutes I was standing in the store with a basket in my hand.

I had gotten used to the inability to use my right hand so it wasn't as annoying as before but I still struggled a bit with the little basket hanging around my arm.

I headed to the cashier after checking if I had everything I needed. The cashier rounded the items up and I handed her the money.

Stepping out of the store, I noticed that it had started raining a bit. 

_Should have brought an umbrella_

I groaned at my own stupidity. Stepping out of the house, I hadn’t bothered to put on my jacket. I was wearing just a hoodie which was most definitely not waterproof, meaning my cast could get wet if I didn’t hurry the f*ck up. I let out another sigh, hugged my arm against my chest to keep it from getting too wet and quickly made my way back home.

Just as I was about to enter the house I saw fathers car in the driveway. I let out a sigh and walked in. Expecting father to be in his study, I hummed as I entered the kitchen.

"Where were you?," 

I halted and turned around. Father was leaning against the doorframe, arms folded.

"Store," I whispered out, holding up the plastic bag in my hand.

He growled lowly and I thought he was going to go off again. I still hadn't fully recovered from the last time and I panicked a bit inside.

"Hurry up," He said as he pushed himself away from the door frame.

Then he just turned around and walked away.

I was shocked.

_The hell?_

I figured I should take advantage of fathers acceptable mood and I put the little plastic bag down on the counter. Changkyun had indeed put a pot on the stove, water slowly starting to boil.

Where Changkyun was, I didn't know but he was probably gaming in his room.

_Freaking game addict_

Cooking didn't take long. I had made kimchi stew many times before so I didn't have to waste time with checking a recipe.

With a boiling pot in my hand I made my way to the living room. It took all my effort not to drop the pot, seeing as I had to balance one handle on my arm. Father was already seated at the table, phone in his hands.

"Took you long enough," He hissed as I placed the pot down.

I chose not to respond, which he didn't seem to mind for a change.

I walked back and past the kitchen to the stairs.

"Kyung! Dinner," I yelled.

No response.

I tried again but still no answer.

"This boy," I muttered to myself as I walked up the stairs.

I knocked before opening his bedroom and stepping inside.

"Kyung, get yo-," I started but stopped when his room was completely dark.

I figured he was in my room so I stepped out of the room, walked through the hallway and came to a stop in front of my bedroom door. I knocked but there was no answer again but I decided to open the door anyways. As soon as I opened the door, I felt my heart drop.

Changkyun was sitting on my bed, sobbing and with a red cheek.

Everything around me seemed to freeze. It was as if time had stopped. There was another sob and I got pulled back. I rushed over and knelt down in front of him. I didn't even have time to say anything before he threw himself at me.

"Kyungie? What happened?," I franticly asked, wrapping my arms around him.

Deep down I knew the answer but I didn't want to believe it.

_Please please please!_

He didn't say anything and just held on to me tighter. I pulled him closer to me as he struggled to say something.

"He.. He..," Changkyun croaked out between sobs.

_No no no_

Tears welled up in my eyes and I did not stop them from falling.

"Hit me," Changkyun whispered.

And my world came crashing down.

This was exactly what I had been afraid of. One of my biggest fears had just came true and I was horrified.

For months I had hoped that he wouldn't touch Changkyun. I was okay with being hit as long as it kept him away from Changkyun. So many times I had thought about running away but I couldn't leave him here with father and I didn't have the means to take care of us both.

So I had stayed. Over and over again.

But I realised I should have listened to that little voice that I just kept pushing back. I should have thought of an escape plan sooner. 

And it made me feel guilty that I hadn't. It had led to this and now everything had been for nothing.

"I-I'm sorry sweetie. I'm so, so sorry," I whispered.

He let out another loud sob and my heart cracked.

Before I knew it Changkyun had fallen asleep. He must have been exhausted and I understood.

I laid him down on my bed gently and got his jacket off. It was difficult because he didn't let me go but I managed.

I got him under the covers and let out a shaky sigh.

_This can't go on any longer_

And I just sat there on the floor next to a sleeping Changkyun for hours. Hours of thinking about what to do.

I was sad and scared, but most of all I was angry. Just so angry.

I didn't know when I had fallen asleep, but I woke up to sunlight shining directly in my eyes.

A bit groggy, I scanned the room and saw that Changkyun was still asleep. The house was completely quiet except for Changkyun's steady breathing and it felt as if it was the calm before the storm.

After hours of thinking last night I had a come to a conclusion; we were leaving and never coming back.

I had checked the amount of money secretly stashed away in my closet and figured we could stay at a motel for a few days and I could figure out the rest from there.

It was reckless but that was not important right now. I was not going to spend another night in this house and neither was Changkyun. 

I moved from my spot next to Changkyun and walked over to my closet. I dug around for a bit before I found two big bags.

And then I moved around my room, stuffing anything important into one of the bags. I did not check the clothing I was putting in the bag. I didn't have much anyways so there was enough room for everything.

"Hyung? What Are you doing?," Changkyun groaned out as he sat up.

I was busy getting all my schoolbooks in my schoolbag so I didn't turn around to answer him.

"Packing. You should too,"

He didn't respond and I stopped for a second to look at him.

"We're leaving," I said as a response to the confusion on his face, “And we're not coming back,"

With that he seemed to understand the situation. 

"Now?," He asked.

"Not really. We have school. We're just not coming back after that," I replied, checking over the items in my bag.

Changkyun seemed to be a little apprehensive about it but he got up nonetheless.

Before we knew it, we sat back in my bed with two stuffed bags in front of us.

"What are we going to do hyung?," Changkyun asked while he was playing with my fingers.

There wasn't an answer for me to give him. I didn't know what we were going to do.

"I'll figure it out sweetie," I replied.

With a sigh I tuned towards my radio and saw it was only half past seven. Normally we would leave for school a bit before eight but I was anxious and fidgety.

"Let's go?," I whispered.

Changkyun nodded and I saw a silent tear making its way down his face.

I moved closer and held his face in my hands.

"Look at me Kyungie," I whispered.

He did and I continued.

"We're going to be okay. We can't stay here. You understand that right?," I asked.

"I know hyung. I really don't want to stay here anymore," He replied, his voice cracking.

I smiled at him and wiped away his tears with my thumb.

"Good. Now let's go," 

I gave Changkyun a quick hug before pulling him up from the bed with me.

"We can do this tiger! As long as we stick together right?," I tried to lighten the mood a bit. For both me and Changkyun.

He gave me a sad smile before picking up his stuff. I soon followed him, but I turned back one last time. It was my space, my safe spot and all my memories lay in that room. My eyes welled up a bit as I said a quiet goodbye before closing the door behind me.

My heart fluttered in my chest as we snuck downstairs as quietly as possible. We were going to be gone soon and the anticipation was killing me. I couldn't figure out if it was a negative or positive feeling but I knew that at last things were going to change.

We got to the kitchen and got some food we could eat on our way to school before making our way to the living room.

The front door came in sight.

We were close.

So close.

But all good things come with a price.

"What are you guys doing?," 

We froze.

_No_

"Answer me!," Father yelled from behind us.

I turned around just in time to see father stalking his way over to us. With a few strides he was in front of us.

"What's with the bags?!," He bellowed as he gripped Changkyun's arm.

Changkyun let out a little whimper.

And something switched in me.

"Don't f*cking touch him!," I yelled as I pried his hand off of Changkyun's arm.

My outburst had thrown him off, I could see it in his eyes, and I used that to my advantage. He let Changkyun go almost voluntarily.

"Go," I urged Changkyun.

"You don't get to talk to me like that!," Father now turned his attention to me and I could feel myself shrink.

But I had to focus.

"Kyung, go!," I repeated and I gave him a little push towards the door.

"I'm talking to you!," And I got grabbed by my collar.

I winced at the sudden pull but I pushed it back.

"Changkyun, f*cking Go! I'll be right behind you," I yelled.

He knew that there was no room to discuss the matter so he reluctantly gave me a nod and dashed to the door and put on his shoes.

Father suddenly slapped me and I could feel the wound on my lip re-opening.

By know the anger in me was building up and my body felt hot.

"Let me go assh*le!," I screamed at father. He did.

A punch in my stomach made me double over. Another slap followed and I sunk to the floor, just barely preventing myself from putting weight on my broken wrist.

"You!," Father bellowed.

I ignored him once again to glance at the door. Changkyun was standing there, ready to go. I could see him crying and I had the urge to comfort him, but now was not the time for that. Correction; We didn't have time for that.

I gave him a nod and a little smile. He tried to smile back but it looked more like a grimace. 

He threw open the door and he was gone.

"You can't talk to your own father like that!," 

Another slap. But I wasn't going to let him walk over me anymore.

I scrambled to my feet, wiped away the blood on my lip and looked him dead in the eye.

"And you can't treat your own sons like this!," I yelled back.

His face turned redder and redder by the second. But it didn't scare me anymore, it just made the fire in me burn harder.

He moved closer, hands already stretched out towards me and I knew it was going to be now or never.

I swung my bag at him as hard as I could, connecting it to the side of his head.

He stumbled back a bit and clutched his head.

"You b*tch!," He screeched.

I took no changes so with everything I got I kicked his knee, successfully making him fall down.

He screamed as he moved his hands from his head to his knee.

I didn't waste any time as I turned around and dashed towards the door. I hastily threw on my shoes, grabbed my jacket and slung my bags over my shoulder.

The last thing I heard before sprinting out of the door and away from the house was a chain of cuss words.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't sleep so here we are, a little past 4 am, writing and listening to Florence + The Machine - Big God.  
> But hey! I managed to write a ton so that's nice.

I ran and ran and ran. 

Even though my legs started protesting.

Even though my head was throbbing.

I had to keep running.

And I only slowed down a bit when I entered the school grounds.

There weren't many people so I figured it was around eight o'clock.

Still jogging, I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialled Changkyun. He picked up immediately and I told him I was okay and almost inside the school. He informed me that he was in the cafeteria before hanging up.

I stopped jogging once I entered the school. I couldn't remember the last time I had ran that much and that fast and it left my legs burning.

I hastily made my way to the cafeteria. I found Changkyun at my usual table, head rested on the hard surface.

"Told you I'd be right behind you," I spoke as I slid in the seat in front of him, still panting.

He looked up and he smiled once he saw me, but that smile quickly changed into a frown.

"I'm sorry hyung, for everything,"

"It's fine Kyungie, it's not your fault. There was nothing you could do," I whispered back.

"No, I could have... You know...tried to stop him or something. I had so many chances to try," He stuttered.

I realised that maybe he was feeling guilty. That maybe he felt bad because there hadn't been anything he could do. He had basically been a helpless onlooker in the situation.

And it made my heart ache a little.

"You couldn't even if you wanted to, trust me. It's okay. I'm happy I could keep you away from all of it for a while," I replied.

"Still...," 

"Don't go there Kyungie. It's all okay now," I said sternly.

I knew like no other how it felt and I wanted to prevent him from going down that rabbit-hole.

We sat in silence as time passed by. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket but I didn't bother to take it out. I knew it was father who was calling. He had been for the last thirty minutes. I wasn't going to pick up; I wasn't crazy. Well, not THAT crazy.

Students had started to fill the school, but the cafeteria stayed as empty as before. 

Now that we had gotten away, the bravery fuelled by adrenaline from before was seeping out of me and now I was stressing.

I still didn't know what to do now. We had to find a place to sleep temporarily. At some point we would have to find a place to stay permanently. I knew it was going to be difficult with money and paperwork and all. There was so much I had to figure out and I didn't know where I would have to start.

"Hey Changkyun! What are you doing here?," 

I snapped out of my thoughts and turned around violently.

The guys were standing right in front of me, smiles slowly fading as they looked at my face.

"Dude your lip is bleeding!," Jooheon pointed out before sitting down across from me.

"I know," I sighed.

_Here we go_

"Why are your cheeks so red?," Minhyuk asked.

'And what's up with the bags?," Hyungwon added as he sat down.

The rest slowly sat down at their places and I was now sandwiched between Minhyuk and Hyunwoo while Wonho and Hyungwon sat down next to Changkyun, leaving Jooheon at the head of the table.

"F*ck it all," I muttered.

I knew it would come to this at some point. I had felt it for months. It was time to speak the truth, there was no going back.

I thought I had come to terms with it last night but my brain screamed at me to make something up, to lie my way out of it again. Maybe I could pull it off but I was sick of it.

I had grown tired of it all. 

"We ran away," I deadpanned. Even I was surprised by the lack of emotion in my voice. It sounded almost robotic and foreign.

"Wait what?," Minhyuk exclaimed, eyes darting from me, to Changkyun and back.

"Changkyun and I ran away from home," I elaborated. I looked over at Changkyun and saw that he had his head hung low, staring at his hands.

"Wait, what? Why?," Jooheon piped in.

"Was it because of that fight with your dad?," Hyunwoo interrupted.

With that, Changkyun's head shot up and he gave me a confused look. He probably thought that Hyunwoo knew.

I nodded as an answer to the question but I did not look away from Changkyun who now looked like he was lost in thought. 

"Was it that bad?," Wonho asked.

I nodded again.

"What happened?," Hyungwon piped up.

I didn't care anymore so I decided to just tell the truth.

"He pushed me," 

"Ok. That's not cool," Jooheon replied.

Understatement of the year.

I couldn't help but let out a little scoff. It was definitely 'not cool'. For some reason it sounded funny and as it repeated in my head I couldn't stop myself from giggling. 

It wasn't funny but it for some reason was. Or maybe I was just nervous.

"Nope. Especially not the 'down the stairs' part of it," I said as I had to wipe a tear out of my eye.

"Hyung?," I glanced at Changkyun who was now looking at me as if I was insane.

"Kihyun? You're not making any sense. What do you mean?," Hyunwoo asked, concern and confusion written all over his face.

"He did this," I said as I held up my arm and pointed to my wrist. It felt weird to admit it and suddenly I didn't feel like laughing anymore.

"That's..... are you making some sick joke Kihyun? Because if you are, that's not funny," Hyungwon spat out.

"I wish I was, however f*cked up it would be," I responded as I looked away.

I could hear their brains working hard even though it was silent.

_They won't believe you_

All this time it hadn’t even crossed my mind that maybe they wouldn’t even believe me. I had always been convinced they would if I told them, but their reaction created a whole new fear. 

"He isn't. Joking about dad I mean," Changkyun suddenly said, voice barely audible, ‘’Dad hurt him,’’

"The hell! Kihyun!," Minhyuk hissed as he looked at me. I knew he wasn’t angry but just very confused.

"What I meant to say is that it was my father who pushed me down the stairs," I sighed.

It was silent for a little while and I wasn't sure if they had heard me. The lack of response suddenly made me nervous and I started doubting telling them.

"Oh my god Ki!," Minhyuk suddenly yelled and I couldn't help but flinch.

"What happened?," Hyunwoo asked as he grabbed my hands and scooted closer to me.

I didn't know how or where to start. So much had happened and I hadn't come to terms with it. Speaking it out loud meant that it was real, that it wasn't some nightmare. My mind was going a million miles an hour and throat closed up on me as I tried to form words. 

"It's.. He..," 

I suddenly became very aware of the fact that my body had started shaking and I bit my lip. I felt the cut re-opening but I ignored the metallic taste that hit my tongue. 

"Don't do that," Hyunwoo whispered, letting go of my hands to hold my face, “You’re hurting yourself,"

The hurt look on his face almost made me wince and I released my lip.

‘’Sorry,’’ I muttered.

Hyunwoo let go of my face after that and I suddenly noticed how on edge I felt. 

_How am I going to say this?_

_I don't think I can say it out loud_

I had ignored it but the sudden loss of warmth that had kept my anxiety at bay made my heartbeat pick up. 

_It's okay_

My mind was going blank and I felt my chest tighten. 

_You're fine_

The air became stuffy and I couldn't breathe right.

Don't panic

Don't panic

Calm down

And without thinking much, I quickly pressed myself against Hyunwoo and hugged his arm as if my life depended on it, focussing on the fabric in my hands.

His body jolted a bit before he relaxed again.

'It's okay," He whispered as he placed a hand on my thigh.

The familiar gesture made me relax instantly. My breathing evened out and the fuzzy feeling in my head slowly ebbed away.

"Take your time," 

I gave him a little nod before leaning my forehead on his shoulder. Hyunwoo always managed to calm me down. He felt like an anchor and I wondered when that had started happening.

No one said anything as I tried to calm down and I was grateful. They weren't pushing me even though I knew that they had a million questions.

After a while I looked back up and I felt steady again.

"You think you can tell us what happened Ki?," Wonho asked softly.

I nodded and licked my lips, gripping Hyunwoo a bit harder to ground myself. 

"H-he just came in my room and threw me on the floor," I started off, unsure of how much I should go into detail.

Hyunwoo caressed my thigh softly as if he was trying to encourage me and I formed the words in my head before speaking then out loud.

"I thought it was just going to be like.... what usually happens but he moved o-on top of me, got a hold of my hair and started.... smashing my head against the floor, “I could feel my face contort and tears welling up in my eyes.

"Wait, usually?," Hyungwon asked.

"He hurt you before?," Wonho joined.

I didn't trust myself to speak so I just nodded again.

Then there was a loud sob. Changkyun. But before I could move, Wonho had Changkyun in a hug and was rocking him softly. I couldn't help but smile.

I figured that Wonho would take care of Changkyun for now and I mentally thanked him.

"You're doing great, little hamster," Hyunwoo said softly as he gently pushed some hair out of my face.

I ignored the new nickname and continued.

"Somehow I was able to get to the door but he pushed me into it before turning me around. I-I was cornered. He choked me," My voice cracked and I let the tears that threatened to spill over earlier go.

Admitting it out loud was way more difficult than I had expected. It affected me more than I thought it would and I suddenly realised that I might not have been here if I hadn't gotten away.

"He was going to choke me to death. I was going to die. He was so angry. He was going to kill me. I was so scared and Changkyun wasn't home and- ," 

"Hey hey slow down. You're safe now, it's okay," Minhyuk interrupted.

Hyunwoo suddenly placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. It was something new but for some reason it just felt right.

"Yes, right. It's fine," I croaked out, “It’s fine. I'm good,"

"I'm s-sorry Hyung," Changkyun suddenly said.

I suddenly remembered that Changkyun was present and I felt bad. I had never told him what had happened because I didn't want him to hear it. Neither did I want to look so tired and weak in front of him. I was supposed to protect him so I couldn't break down in front of him.

I whipped my head around to look at Changkyun and he was a mess. His face was red and he was sniffing violently. 

I immediately unlatched myself from Hyunwoo and sprung up. The movement surprised everyone but I ignored the looks on their faces. It was if I had gone on autopilot as I hurried around the table and squeezed next to Changkyun, pulling him into a hug.

"It's okay sweetie. It's not your fault. I'm sorry," I hastily spoke.

I kept repeating the words over and over to calm him down. It hurt to see him cry, even more than getting hit by my own father. Well, it was a different kind of hurt; one that just felt worse.

"I don't know how I managed to do it but I got away. I was just about to run down the stairs when he caught up to me," I continued, Changkyun still wrapped in my arms.

The memory of his hands landing on my shoulder sent a shiver down my spine.

"I just remember him cussing me out and then I was crashing down. I don't really remember what happened afterwards," I whispered. As soon as the words left my mouth I felt Changkyun tense.

There was the sound of sniffing all around me, but it was silent. 

"Why didn't you tell us?," Hyunwoo suddenly asked.

I looked around the table and I saw the curious look on everyone's faces. They looked so sad and hurt. It was as if they had gotten hurt themselves.

"I....I just didn't want to burden you guys," I replied.

"The hell Ki!," Minhyuk shouted.

"I have a headache hyung," Changkyun suddenly whispered, voice muffled by my shoulder.

"You want to lay down in the infirmary?," I asked.

I got a nod in response and I whipped out my phone, ignoring the missed calls from father. I had too much to talk about with the guys and I didn't want him to go alone.

"I'll call Yugyeom and ask if he can take you okay?," I asked, already dialling Yugyeom’s number.

Before he could answer, Yugyeom picked up and I asked if he could come and take Changkyun to the infirmary, without telling any details.

"Yugyeom will be here in a few," I said to Changkyun as I hung up.

Now that I had Changkyun covered, I turned back to the guys.

"So that's the reason you weren't in school," Hyungwon stated.

"Yes," I responded.

"But what happened afterwards? You said Changkyun wasn't home at that time," Wonho asked.

The memory was hazy. The only thing I remembered was feeling pain everywhere and just some snippets.

"H-he called me and when I got back I... I thought he was going to d-die," Changkyun suddenly answered, pulling away from me.

"There was blood everywhere. On his face, arms, legs.... just everywhere," Changkyun said in between sobs.

I grimaced at Changkyun’s recollection, not remembering myself bleeding. But then again, I hadn't seen myself until a few days after it had happened so it had never occurred to me how it had been from Changkyun's point of view. Even I thought that the healing wounds and bruises looked terrible, let alone how I looked right after I had fallen down.

From the corner of my eye I could see Minhyuk and Wonho crying. Jooheon and Hyungwon looked like they were deep in thought, frown on their faces, and I could see that Hyunwoo was starting to lose his cool. The vein that protruded on his forehead was a clear indication.

"Wait, you said it wasn't the first time? How many times did this happen?," Wonho suddenly asked.

But before I could answer, Yugyeom walked in and was standing next to us in a few strides.

"What's up?," He asked before holding out a hand for Changkyun.

We didn't answer him but he didn't press any further as Changkyun got up.

"Just make sure he lies down. Call me later okay?," I asked Yugyeom before giving Changkyun a little pat on his back.

"Sure," Yugyeom answered, his hand landing on my shoulder and giving it a gentle pat. I mentally thanked him for being able to read the situation and not asking anything.

I kept looking until they were gone from the cafeteria before turning back to the guys who were looking at me expectantly.

"Father was the one that f*cked up my ankle weeks ago," I spoke, “on that day we talked about going to that escape room,"

"I can't believe this...," Jooheon muttered.

"How many times Ki?," Hyunwoo asked. It sounded more like a low growl and I could see him getting angrier.

"A... couple? The first time was almost two years ago I think. It wasn't really that bad until a few months back. Like, at first he just hit me but later I found myself unable to get up without Changkyun's help," I whispered. 

"We never saw or noticed anything...," Hyungwon muttered.

"Mostly I would just not go to school, but foundation really does a good job covering up," I replied.

The air was tense and my mind screamed at me to either get out or to get rid of it.

"…Sooo if anyone needs some recommendations, I know some really great brands," I tried to chuckle.

"Don't do that," Hyunwoo suddenly hissed.

"What?," I squeeled, slightly alarmed by Hyunwoo's change in attitude. 

"Don't try to laugh this off! It's not okay," He replied.

"It's fine," I responded.

He didn't say anything back and settled for glaring at me instead. It threw me a bit off and I felt my hands shaking.

"Why didn't you leave earlier? Why now?," Minhyuk asked. 

"He never had a problem with Changkyun so I figured that as long as I was there nothing would happen to him...," I responded.

"So, why now?,"

"He hit Changkyun yesterday," I whispered. And my eyes welled up again at the thought.


	17. Chapter 17

"I was out for just a few minutes. I should have never gone! I knew I should have stayed at home or taken him with me," I rambled, "He got hit because I wasn't there! Father got angry because I wasn't at home," 

"And that's why you rushed home after the escape room?," Wonho asked.

"Yes. Changkyun called and told me that father had come home earlier than expected. I hadn't asked him for permission so-,"

I got interrupted by my phone vibrating in my pocket and thinking it was Yugyeom, I picked it up.

"Hel-,"

 _"Yoo Kihyun! Get back here right now!,"_ I heard father yell.

I flinched and threw my phone on the table. 

_"You better get back now if you still want to breathe tomorrow, b*tch!,"_

He was yelling so loud that I was certain that the guys could hear, but I didn't care. It became difficult to breathe and I couldn't contain my hands from shaking anymore.

_"I thought you learned your lesson but I guess I have to-,"_

The call cut off by Jooheon and Wonho pulled me in for a hug.

"F*ck Ki...," He whispered.

F*ck indeed.

 

I spent the next hour answering all the questions the guys had. From every time I bailed on hanging out to all the times I had to stay at home from school.

It felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulder. With every explanation or answer my body felt lighter and I wondered why I hadn't told them sooner, before everything went drastically downhill.

By the end of it all I had somehow ended up in Hyunwoo's lap. I was tired, but the good kind of tired. Not the one from keeping secrets all the time and the anxiousness.

"We're glad you told us Ki," Minhyuk spoke softly.

"It would have been nice if you had told us sooner, we could have helped you," Hyungwon added.

"I know. It was dumb," I sighed. Hyunwoo was rubbing circles on my back and it was making me even sleepier than before and I struggled to keep my eyes open.

"Yes it was," Minhyuk chuckled.

I smiled, happy that the tension was gone and that the general mood seemed to slowly improve.

I closed my eyes and buried my head in Hyunwoo's neck. He still smelled like freshly-washed blankets. The scent put me at ease.

Apparently they thought I had fallen asleep because now they were talking among themselves in hushed voices.

"I told him he was too kind...," Hyunwoo whispered, “He always puts others first and he never takes care of himself,"

"I know. But I guess that happens when you have someone to protect," Wonho replied.

"We should have noticed it...," Hyunwoo spoke, “I should have protected him," The hand that had been tracing circles on my back stopped at my waist and stayed there.

"Hyung, don't be ridiculous. We are all as guilty as you are so don’t you dare to blame yourself," Jooheon piped in.

"No, I should have known. I knew he was fighting with his dad and I should have pressed more," He replied, voice laced with sadness, “Why didn’t he tell us? Why didn't he tell me?," 

‘’Kihyun apparently is one hell of an actor and we did not know that. Like he said, he felt like it would burden us, that he would be a burden even though that’s a ridiculous thing to think,’’ Hyungwon replied.

I could hear, and feel, Hyunwoo sigh before he spoke up again.

‘’I really f*cked up. I noticed how anxious he was almost all the time but I never addressed it. On top of that, I was the one that yelled at him in the hallway that time and-,’’ Hyunwoo suddenly cut himself off. 

‘’What if he thought that I was going to hurt him?,’’ 

The way he had said it sounded so hurt that it pierced my heart. It had really hurt him and that was all on me.

A silence followed and I could just hear the guys thinking again. For a second I considered opening my eyes again and join in on the conversation but Hyungwon beat me to it.

"Are you going to tell him?," He asked.

I didn't understand who he was asking and what he meant by that. Fortunately I didn't have to wait long for an answer.

"I don't know. What if I ruin everything?," Hyunwoo replied.

_Ruin what?_

"I don't think it will. You know Kihyun. Even if it turns out to be one-sided he would go out of his way to make sure you are okay. Plus, I really think it isn’t one-sided at all. He smiles more when he’s with you, he always looks for you first and newsflash; at the moment he’s stuck to you like a koala. I mean, he clearly feels incredibly comfortable around you. More than with any of us even though you guys were hella awkward at first," Jooheon said.

I realised that I indeed felt the most comfortable around Hyunwoo. His presence just had this calming effect even though he sometimes made my heart beat slightly faster for some reason.

Suddenly Minhyuk’s voice popped up in my head.

_"I'm telling you now because you're dense as f*ck. Don't get me wrong, I love you, but sometimes you're so stupid,"_

"True. Kihyun always has this wall up but when he's around you it just... fades?," Wonho added.

 _"I'm just saying that maybe you need to look more closely at the people around you,"_

"Let's drop it guys. Now is not the time anyways," Hyunwoo sighted as I felt his head leaning on mine.

‘’Sure, but just… really think about it okay?,’’ Hyungwon said.

Hyunwoo just hummed and I could not keep myself awake anymore as he played with my hair.

_"Do you like someone?,"_

 

When I opened my eyes I was still in the cafeteria but now I was laying down on the bench, my head rested on Minhyuk’s thigh. My back was aching and I shifted ever so slightly. Minhyuk’s head snapped down to meet my eyes. 

‘’Hey Ki,’’ Minhyuk whispered as he pushed the hair out of my face. With his blonde hair and gentle smile he really looked like an angel.

‘’Hi,’’ I whispered back, my voice a bit hoarse. 

We stayed like that for a few minutes. It was peaceful, it was serene and for the first time in months I felt that everything was really going to be better. And that reminded me of where I was and what had happened.

I quickly sat up and looked around me. Jooheon and Hyungwon were typing away behind a laptop, Wonho was scribbling away in a notebook. Where Hyunwoo was, I had no clue.

‘’What time is it?,’’ I asked no one in particular. 

Only Wonho looked up from what he was doing, Jooheon and Hyungwon too occupied with whatever they were doing, and gave me little smile. 

‘’A little past eleven,’’

‘’What? Why aren’t you guys in class?,’’ I rushed out.

It was only silent for a few seconds before it suddenly wasn’t.

‘’Are you crazy?!,’’ Minhyuk screeched, making me jolt a bit.

‘’You expect us to go on with our day as if everything is fine? Like you haven’t just told us that your dad is an assh*le that hurt you?,’’ Hyungwon hissed without looking away from the laptop.

‘’You guys shouldn’t skip because of me,’’ I replied, severely lacking bite.

‘’Oh sure, Leaving you alone when you are like this and let you figure everything out by yourself? We’re your friends Hyung,’’ Hyungwon retorted, his voice now gentle and leaking sympathy.

‘’I dunno… I just-,’’

Before I could continue my sentence, Jooheon jumped in his seat and shot his head up from the screen.

‘’Got it!,’’

As quick as lightning, Minhyuk bolted up and rushed to sit next to Jooheon. Wonho followed suit and now they were squeezed together to stare at the screen. It would have been funny if only I was in the loop about what they were even doing.

I could see in their eyes that they were reading. There was an occasional nod and some humming before they leaned back.

‘’Should we all go? That would be weird right? But I think we should all go,’’ Minhyuk spoke up and he looked at the three sitting next to him.

‘’What? Go where?,’’ I asked.

‘’It would be a bit overkill, no?,’’ Jooheon replied.

They were completely ignoring me. I didn’t know if that was because they hadn’t heard me or because they were just too focussed on what ever the hell they were doing. Either way, it was annoying.

‘’As much as we’d all like to go, I think it would be best if just two of us would go with Kihyun-hyung?,’’ Hyungwon reasoned. 

The rest seemed to be taking in his words before nodding, agreeing on the decision.

‘’Guys I’m like, right here you know? What the hell are you guys talking about?,’’ I tried once again, now making sure that my voice was loud enough for them to hear.

They turned their head to me at the same time, making them look like a bunch of meercats.

‘’Your ID is still valid right? And Changkyun’s? We also have to make an appointment first,’’ Wonho answered. 

‘’Yeah… Why?,’’ I replied.

‘’It says on the site that you need to take it with you, which makes sense,’’ Jooheon chimed in before turning his attention back to the laptop.

‘’Okay, you guys planning on telling me where you guys have decided I’m going?,’’ I almost yelled. It was frustrating how they took their time to fill me in.

‘’The police, duh,’’ Minhyuk said as he sat down next to me again.

‘’The…. police. Wait, what?!,’’ I almost yelled.

‘’Why do you sound so confused? You were planning on reporting your dad right?,’’ 

I had never even thought about it. My plan was just to get away and continue life, not making the situation bigger than it was. I didn’t want to be overdramatic or something.

‘’Ki… Don’t tell me you didn’t plan to,’’ Wonho said, looking slightly thrown off.

‘’I-I’m… I don’t know. He’s still my father,’’ I muttered.

‘’Bullsh*t Kihyun. Just because he’s your dad doesn’t mean that it’s okay what he did,’’ Hyungwon piped in. He looked pissed and he tapped his fingers on the table as if he was trying to distract himself.

I knew that what Hyungwon had said was true but it just didn’t feel right so I just gave a meek nod, avoiding eye contact with Hyungwon. My eyes settled on Wonho instead. He squinted his eyes ever so slightly before turning away.

‘’You know what guys, lets just drop it for the moment,’’ He spoke, ‘’There is enough time for all that later,’’

Without responding, Jooheon closed the laptop and stuffed it back into his bag. I could hear Hyungwon and Minhyuk letting out a dissatisfied grunt but they didn’t comment any further.

And then I remembered that I had asked Yugyeom to call. 

My hands shot to my pockets but my phone wasn’t there.

‘’My phone!,’’ I yelled as I dug through the pockets of my jacket. I never put it there but you never knew. ‘’Where’s my phone?,’’ 

Minhyuk started digging through his bag and within seconds pulled my phone out before handing it over to me.

Ten missed calls.

Before I could even press ‘call’ Wonho spoke up.

‘’We already talked to Yugyeom. He and Changkyun came by a little while ago. They were going to Yugyeom’s place,’’

‘’He asked how you were holding up. It seems he’s in the loop. Changkyun must have told him,’’ Jooheon added.

So that made it six. Six people who knew about it now and for some reason it scared me. It made me feel out of control. Now there were pawns in the game that hadn’t been playing before.

It made the situation so much more real, so much more daunting and I wasn’t ready for that. Up and until yesterday it was my secret. Today was such a stark contrast that I didn’t know how I was going to deal with that. And with that my mind went into overdrive.

What if they thought I was being dramatic or exaggerating? What if they decided I wasn’t worth it? That if it wasn’t worth all the work?

I knew it would take a lot of effort to move forward from this point and even though I had made up my mind last night, it had still been quite the impulsive decision. Now that I had come down from the high that had been induced by the adrenaline, the situation seemed helpless to me. The future was now very much unsure and that meant no control.

I had no control.

My throat closed up on me and all the moisture in my mouth vanished like snow in the sun. I became aware that I was starting to panic. It always started the same way.

Next came the lack of oxygen, the weight suddenly present in my chest.

‘’Ki?,’’

After that came the sheen over my eyes, preventing me from focussing.

_Hyunwoo_

‘’Where’s Hyunwoo?,’’ I managed to throw out as I tried to keep myself present.

The shaking. I could feel it starting in my hands. 

I gripped my jeans in hopes it would help everything stop.

‘’He went to talk with the dean,’’ Hyungwon replied.

I licked my lips which were suddenly too dry.

‘’Kihyun, are you okay?,’’ Jooheon suddenly asked.

It was difficult to focus, let alone speak. For a second I wanted to pretend I was fine but then I remembered.

No more lying.

So I just shook my head, hoping it would get the message across.

‘’I think he’s panicking,’’ Minhyuk said.

It was hot and cold at the same time. It was as if I was having a fever.

I heard shuffling and suddenly Hyungwon was sitting next to me.

‘’Is there something we can do?,’’ He asked.

Even I couldn’t do anything, let alone them, so I just shook my head.

‘’I’m calling Hyunwoo,’’

_Hyunwoo_

My hearing was starting to give up on me. The clear voices slowly started to turn into muffled whispers and it freaked me out. I was losing control.

‘’Is there something you need?,’’

At this point I couldn’t see or hear who was asking. 

‘’Hyunwoo,’’ I whispered without thinking.

‘’What? Could you repeat that?,’’

‘’H-Hyunwoo,’’ I manage to stutter out.

Then the tears came.

‘’Hyunwoo? We already called him. He’ll be here in a minute,’’

I nodded and I could already feel the sharp edge of the heavy feeling ebbing away ever so slightly.

‘’You got to take deep breaths Ki,’’

I knew that but it just didn’t work. It didn’t work. And the frustration made everything worse.

I didn’t know how much time I had been sitting there, trying to keep myself from completely crashing down but it felt like hours had passed already. Time sped up and slowed down at the same time. It was an awful feeling. 

‘’Is it okay to touch you?,’’

It was weird. Seeing but not really seeing.

‘’Ki?,’’

It was like daydreaming but more extreme.

‘’Kihyun, it’s me. Hyunwoo,’’

_Hyunwoo_

Suddenly I noticed warmth radiating from something on my left. Without thinking my arm shot out and I took hold of whatever it was.

‘’it’s okay,’’

My sense of touch came back and I could feel fabric on my fingertips.

‘’Is it okay to touch you Kihyun?,’’

I wanted more warmth. I needed more warmth.

I nodded again and then there was warmth all around me. 

‘’Now, breathe with me okay? You can do that right?,’’

Yes. Yes I could do that.

...... I think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically me setting up for kinda the main focus of the sequel ^^
> 
> To be honest, it's quite difficult to explain how anxiety and panic attacks feel like but I have been trying my best throughout this story. If it sometimes is not very clear it's because when it happens I feel like nothing is real and that makes it difficult to reflect on what I was thinking and feeling exactly. 
> 
> Hashtag TMI  
> Probably going to regret telling you guys this tomorrow when I wake up.


	18. Chapter 18

It was slow going. It took so much effort to breathe in and out but it payed off. I slowly became more and more aware of my surroundings.

‘’That’s it. You’re doing so well,’’

I looked to my left and unsurprisingly it was Hyunwoo who was sitting next to me.

‘’Hey,’’ Hyunwoo whispered as my eyes met his.

God, this was embarrassing. At this point I was seriously questioning my sanity. Once again I hadn’t been able to keep myself grounded and needed Hyunwoo to get back to reality.

‘’Hey. Sorry,’’ I replied, head hung low.

‘’It’s okay,’’ I heard Hyunwoo respond before running his hand through my hair.

I felt so stupid.

‘’I’m really sorry,’’ I muttered.

‘’Stop it. You didn’t do anything wrong,’’ Hyungwon said.

I just nodded weakly, not feeling up for a discussion. I still felt like I was disconnected from my body. My limbs didn’t really seem like they were mine.

‘’So… Maybe you could lessen that grip on my arm? I’m not going anywhere you know?,’’ Hyunwoo said as he patted my head.

It was only then that I became aware of my fingers digging into Hyunwoo’s arm. I pulled back as quick as possible.

‘’Sorry! Did I hurt you?,’’ I franticly asked, scanning Hyunwoo’s face for any signs of any real discomfort.

‘’Nope,’’ A reassuring smile followed and I relaxed.

‘’It’s not like a hamster such as yourself could do much damage anyways,’’ Minhyuk added, chuckling.

The rest laughed and the stuffy feeling completely disappeared. I couldn’t help myself as I started laughing with them. Then the bell rung, informing us that it was officially lunchtime. 

‘’What do you wanna do Ki? We should really eat lunch but if you want to get out of here then that’s fine by me,’’ Wonho asked as he glanced at the others before settling on me.

I didn’t really feel hungry but that didn’t mean that the guys weren’t. Plus, I was very comfortable where I was, stuck to Hyunwoo who at some point had snuck his arm around my waist.

‘’I’m not really hungry but you guys should eat,’’ I replied.

The guys nodded before getting up to get lunch.

‘’We’ll get something for you two as well. Even if you aren’t hungry you have to eat Ki,’’ Jooheon said. Hyunwoo and I just nodded and off they were.

 

 

‘’I called my mom earlier and you and Changkyun can stay with us,’’ Minhyuk said as he was chewing away.

‘’I don’t know. I don’t want to burden your mom like that,’’ I replied.

‘’You would never Ki. Stay over for at least a couple of weeks. We can figure something out from there okay?,’’ Minhyuk said.

I really didn’t want to burden even more but I knew that I needed the help. There was no way that I was going to be able to pull this all off alone. I really wanted to but I couldn’t.

‘’Don’t be stubborn Ki. Just let us help,’’ Wonho added.

‘’Okay okay, sorry. Thanks Min,’’ I sighed.

‘’Nice! Massive sleep-over,’’ Minhyuk yelled. He was beaming and it was almost creepy how excited he was.

The rest of lunch went by in silence. I managed to eat a bowl of rice at least even though it didn’t really taste like anything. The bell rung and students slowly started to leave the cafeteria. Expecting the guys to finally go to their classes, I was a bit surprised when they stayed seated.

‘’Are you guys just going to skip all classes today?,’’ I asked.

‘’Don’t worry about it. I spoke to the dean. We got it settled,’’ Hyunwoo said.

‘’How the hell did you fix that?,’’ I asked.

‘’Nothing special. Just told him it was really important, which it is, and that we would try to stay on school grounds,’’ Hyunwoo replied.

I hummed and decided not to question it any further. Then I remembered that I had a little brother who I hadn’t spoken to in hours.

‘’I should call Changkyun,’’ I said as I fished my phone out of my pocket.

I scrolled through my contacts until I found Changkyun and pressed ‘call’.

It didn’t take long before someone picked up.

 _‘’Hey Kihyun Hyung,’’_ Someone said who wasn’t Changkyun. 

‘’Yugyeom?,’’

 _‘’Yeah. Sorry for picking up but Changkyun is sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him up,’’_ Yugyeom explained.

‘’Aaah no that’s fine. I just wanted to know how he was doing,’’

It was silent for a couple of seconds before Yugyeom spoke up again.

_‘’He was quite… upset. After he had calmed down I decided to take him home with me. I hope you’re okay with that?,’’_

‘’Of course! Thank you very much Yugyeom, for helping out,’’ I replied.

 _‘’Sure thing Hyung,’’_ Yugyeom said.

I was in the middle of saying bye when Yugyeom interrupted me.

_‘’How are you doing? Changkyun told me things,’’_

I didn’t really know how to answer that.

‘’Eehhm, fine I guess? Thanks for asking,’’ I responded.

 _‘’You sure? I talked with Jooheon earlier and he said that you were really exhausted,’’_ Yugyeom said.

‘’Yeah, but nothing a good night of sleep won’t fix,’’ I replied.

I knew it was a bullsh*t answer and that Yugyeom probably thought so as well. Luckily he didn’t press any further.

_‘’Okay, well, take care and talk to you later. I’ll tell Changkyunnie that you called when he wakes up,’’_

I thanked him once more before he hung up.

‘’What did he say? How is he doing?,’’ Minhyuk asked as I stuffed my phone back in my pocket.

‘’It was Yugyeom. Changkyun is asleep. Yugyeom will make sure that he’ll call when he wakes up,’’

‘’Now that that is settled, what are we going to do now?,’’ Wonho asked.

With that, all heads turned to me. Apparently I was the one calling the shots today and I didn’t like it one bit. I hated being selfish.

‘’I’m fine doing whatever you guys want to do,’’ I replied.

‘’No Kihyun. This isn’t about us. What do YOU want?,’’ Hyungwon shot back.

I wanted to go home. No, not home. I just wanted to hide from the world for the rest of the day. Preferably alone but I knew that it wouldn’t really be an option.

‘’I don’t really know,’’

‘’Okay listen to me. You are allowed to be selfish sometimes Ki. I’ve told you this before. In my opinion, today is the perfect day to practise that,’’ Hyunwoo said sternly.

I nodded. However, it didn’t feel okay. I was afraid that if I did that it would upset someone and I didn’t know if I could handle that. Or rather, I didn’t know how to handle that.

‘’So, what do you want to do now?,’’ Wonho said as he looked like he was pleading me with his eyes.

‘’I want to sleep,’’ I said.

Hyunwoo gave a smile and pinched my cheek.

‘’See, that wasn’t so hard now was it?,’’

I let out a squeal and lightly swatted his hand away as the rest burst out laughing. I was still rubbing my cheek when Minhyuk spoke up.

‘’So my house it is laddies,’’

 

 

Half an hour later I was sitting on the couch in Minhyuk’s living room, wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito. Curtesy by Minhyuk.  
I could hear the shower running in the distance and chopping coming from the kitchen. It was home-y. It was warm and I let myself sink further into the couch as I closed my eyes.

It was just me, Minhyuk and Minhyuk’s mom at the moment. I had been able to convince the guys that it really wasn’t necessary for all of them to set up camp in Minhyuk’s house today but not without promising that we would have a movie-night together later.

As soon as we had arrived, Minhyuk’s mom had hugged me and hadn't let me go for minutes. She kept saying how sorry she was and how I would always be welcome to stay for however long I wanted. ‘’You’re my son now too whether you like it or not,’’ She had said.

Changkyun had called back just a few minutes after I had sat down. Yugyeom and his mom would drop him off here later.   
Father had stopped calling. I didn’t know if that was a good sign or not but for now it was one thing less to stress about. However, I was still worried. Of course he knew where we went to school and to be honest, he was the type to just show up there and that scared me. Luckily he didn’t know our friends. I had never mentioned names and sure as hell didn’t let him know where they lived.

It was weird. Everything was going so fast that I could barely process it. Yesterday we had still been stuck in that house and now we weren’t anymore.  
I hadn’t noticed Minhyuk coming into the living room until a weight landed on me.

‘’Jesus Min!,’’ I yelled as Minhyuk wiggled around and lay down with his head on my legs.

‘’What?,’’ He responded, wiggling his brows.

I just rolled my eyes and Minhyuk chuckled before his expression changed.

‘’What are you thinking about?,’’

‘’Nothing much. I’m just worried,’’ I replied while I played with his hair.

Minhyuk didn’t respond and just looked at me. His silence prompted me to continue.

‘’What if he just shows up at school? What would I do then?,’’ I wondered out loud, ‘’I mean, I know he’s pissed. What if he find Changkyun? What if you guys are with me when he-,’’

‘’You worry too much,’’ Minhyuk interrupted me, ‘’To be fair, it is something to think about but nothing can really happen at school,’’

I knew that was true to some extent but it wasn’t enough to stop me from worrying about it. It wasn’t as if he was stupid enough to actually enter the school; outside the gates would do just fine.

‘’Besides, that problem would be gone if you just reported everything you know?,’’ Minhyuk continued.

I let out a sigh.

‘’I know Min,’’

Fortunately Minhyuk dropped the subject.

And so we sat there as the minutes ticked away, just enjoying the silence. Today had been hectic and I could finally relax.

 

Diner was nice. Minhyuk’s mom was a great cook and somehow managed to make all my favourite dishes. I was sure Minhyuk had made that happen and it was really sweet. I couldn’t remember the last time someone cooked for me and not the other way around.

Mrs. Lee hadn’t brought up my father at all and I was grateful for that. I had talked about it enough today.  
I had been able to convince Minhyuk and his mom that I could do the dishes. It was nice to do something with my hands. It had always been something that made me feel better. It kept my mind from wandering off.

Minhyuk was sitting on the counter next to me as he was immerged in his phone. The silent company was very nice even though I had wanted to be alone earlier.  
I was just putting away the last plate when the doorbell rang. Minhyuk looked up from his phone for the first time in minutes. He jumped off the counter and made his way out of the kitchen. I took a look around the kitchen and once I had deemed it clean I followed him to where he had gone.

When I entered the living room I was met by the same situation I had found myself in a few hours ago. Minhyuk’s mom had Changkyun in her arms, whispering things only he could hear. I saw him nodding before she let go.

I stepped forward just as Changkyun turned to look at me. A goofy smile was now plastered on his face and relieve washed over me. He was okay, or at least, looked like he felt okay.

 

A few minutes later we were gathered around the diner table, a warm cup of tea in our hands as we chatted away. Yugyeom, Minhyuk and Changkyun were talking about a teacher that had gotten himself suspended today, apparently something about being a little too creepy around girls, while Mrs. Kim and Mrs. Lee where in the kitchen. 

I quietly observed the scene and felt content. Changkyun seemed to be having the time of his life. I felt a bit guilty for not being there for him today but I knew that Yugyeom had been so that made it a little bit better.

The conversation died down as Mrs. Lee and Mrs. Kim came back out of the kitchen and joined us at the table again.

‘’Boys. We had a little talk,’’ Yugyeom mom started.

The two mothers looked at me and Changkyun before continuing.

‘’I would love to have both Kihyun and Changkyun here but to be honest, I don’t think I’d be able to, financially,’’ Mrs. Lee stated, looking quite sad.

I already felt bad for intruding and now they were planning to use their money on us? That wasn’t okay, especially since I knew that Minhyuk’s family weren’t exactly millionaires.

‘’It’s okay. I can find a place for us to stay. I have some money saved up so we can-,’’

‘’Sweetie, we aren’t going to sent you off somewhere to fend for yourselves. I was just going to ask if it’s okay with you guys that Changkyun stays with Yugyeom’s family while you stay with us,’’ Mrs. Lee interrupted.

‘’Still, I can pay,’’ I quickly responded.

‘’Nonsense. You’re kids and shouldn’t have to worry about things like that. We will take care of it so how about you just focus on school and let the adults worry about the rest,’’ Yugyeom’s mom said sternly.

I understood that there was no room for discussion, so I just thanked them over and over again. However, I wasn’t just going to freeload so I struck a deal that I would help around the house from time to time. Fortunately Mrs. Lee agreed.

‘’Now, the next subject,’’ Yugyeom’s mom piped up.

In the back of my mind I already knew what it was. I instinctively hung my head down and braced myself for what was to come.

‘’Kihyun,’’ Minyuk’s mom said.

I looked back up and was met by multiple pairs of eyes staring at me. It was unnerving and I had to keep myself from getting up and walking away.

‘’We are well aware of what happened and for that we are really sorry. This should have never happened. Not to you or not to anyone,’’ Minhyuk’s mom said and she leaned forward to lay her hand on mine.

‘’Thanks,’’ I whispered as I tried to give her a little smile, ‘’It’s okay,’’

‘’No it’s not sweetie. Which is why we’re going to the police station tomorrow,’’

I could feel Minhyuk’s body tense next to me, expecting me to disagree seeing as we had talked about it earlier today.  
However, I had been thinking the last couple of hours. Going to the police had felt a bit extreme to me at first. After all, it had been normal. Well, not really but to me it was and that made it feel like an overreaction. But now, I knew that it really wasn’t normal and that what he had been doing for years was something that was a crime in the eyes of the law.

‘’Okay,’’ I replied.

And with that, Minhyuk relaxed as he slung his arm around my shoulder.

‘’Good,’’ Mrs. Kim said, giving me a satisfied smile.

 

 

I never really liked horror movies, they always lacked plot, but here I was, sitting on the couch, squeezed between Wonho and Minhyuk, the rest sitting in front of the couch, as the latest blood-filled movie played on the tv. It was all so fake that it was laughable. However, that didn’t seem to be the case for Wonho and Jooheon. 

‘’Oh my god! Why close up on someone getting decapitated?,’’ Jooheon screeched as he held on to Hyunwoo for dear life.

From where I sat I could see Hyunwoo grinning. Apparently he thought it was quite funny as well, which honestly wasn’t very surprising. 

‘’I can’t watch this anymore,’’ Wonho whispered from my left. I turned to look and he had buried his head into a pillow.

The rest of the movie went on like that, a cheer coming from Jooheon when the ending credits started rolling.

I tapped Wonho on the shoulder and he legit flinched. I couldn’t help but burst out laughing and I tapped him again.

‘’Movie’s over,’’ I managed to inform him.

‘’mnoth pfnny,’’ He muttered, face still buried in the pillow.

‘’Come again?,’’ 

Wonho finally let the poor pillow go and sat back up.

‘’I said, not funny,’’ He huffed.

‘’Oh but it is Mr. ostrich,’’ Hyungwon snickered.

‘’Hey! Jooheon is here as well? Why are you only calling me out?,’’

‘’Well, at least Jooheon watched…. Kinda,’’ Hyunwoo spoke up, an amused grin on his face.

Then a pillow went flying through the air and almost hit Hyunwoo, missing by quite a lot.

‘’You even suck at throwing,’’ Minhyuk added, fuelling the fire.

The bickering went on and on for minutes before I decided to step in.

‘’Guys, stop acting like you are freaking five-year-olds,’’

With that, the bickering quieted down and everyone relaxed.

 

Minhyuk was busy with his phone and I was sure that Wonho and Hyungwon had fallen asleep at some point. Hyunwoo leaned his head back against my knee and I absentmindedly started playing with his hair.

‘’I’m glad you’re okay,’’ I heard him whisper. 

I let out a quiet hum, signalling him that I had heard him. It was quiet for a few seconds again before he decided to continue.

‘’I was so angry. Correction, I am angry,’’

I knew that. Hyunwoo was prone to flying of the hinge if something didn’t seem right in his book. 

‘’I know,’’ I whispered back.

I heard him sigh.

‘’It makes me really sad to see you sad. It hurts,’’ Hyunwoo whispered even quieter than before.

And there was that weird thump in my chest again that made my insides tingle.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ I replied, not knowing what else to say.

‘’You know how much I, we, care about you right?,’ He said, this time a little louder.

Even though he had said it before, it still threw me off. 

‘’I know,’’

It took a while before Hyunwoo said something again, seemingly thinking about what he was going to say before sitting up again and turning a bit to face me.

‘’No Kihyun, I don’t think you do,’’ He said as he looked me straight in the eyes.

I was taken aback by the statement and the seriousness in Hyunwoo’s voice and face. He sounded almost accusing, as if I did something wrong.

I didn’t really catch what he said next, something along the lines of ‘stupid’ but the next words that left his mouth were loud and clear and made my heart stop as he every so quietly whispered them while gripping my hand.

‘’I love you,’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap.
> 
> First off, I had planned to finish writing and uploading way earlier but life happened?  
> I probably have an ear-infection which has been keeping me up for the last couple of nights. Yesterday I was ready to finish so I opened up word, started typing a sentence when my brain suddenly went like: ''You've never watched Haikyuu! How about we start right now'' so yeeaahhh…
> 
> Anyway, it has been fun?  
> At first I was really nervous about uploading, wondering if people would just hate on me for no reason and if people would actually read it but it all turned out great. I have gotten a lot of lovely comments (You guys know who you are) that legit made me tear up sometimes. It feels really good to hear that at least some people appreciate my hard work :) 
> 
> There is going to be a sequel. I don't know when but it will come. I'm going to start uploading my new(?) story tomorrow and continue writing another so those will come first. I don't really have a clear plot in mind yet accept for of course what's going to happen next but do know that it will be centred around Hyunwoo and Kihyun's relationship.
> 
> Now the reason I decided to do a sequel instead of making this story twice as big as it is now is because I really wanted to focus on Kihyun and his situation. I was afraid that if I started with heavy ShowKi from the beginning it would delude the plot I had actually planned for this story. Some people are great at a deep plot and including relationships but I'm just a newby and knew I wouldn't be able to pull both off at the same time.The whole ShowKi thing just happened without any planning beforehand. It wasn't in my mind when I started writing this. It just happened.
> 
>  
> 
> Secondly, I wanted to make this accessible for everyone. I know that some people aren't that into the whole shipping-business and I didn't want them to shy away from the story because of that. Personally I love stories that aren't focussed on romance and sometimes get disappointed when the plot sounds awesome but gets neglected/overpowered by romance. I don't know how else to explain it but I hope you got it?
> 
> Lastly, I was honestly done with this story for now xD I have said before that I need a lot of variation and I had to stop me from uploading the new story already. I wanted this to be done before doing anything else.
> 
>  
> 
> I think that's about it.....?   
> I hope you guys will stick around, I have just started and I have sooo many ideas ^^  
> Like, you don't even know!
> 
> But for now I'm out :)


End file.
